kittensinboxes | I Ended Up Losing And It's All His Fault

I Ended Up Losing And It's All His Fault

Kaiba had gone to the afterlife. He'd finally achieved his dream, and in doing so, faced his eternal rival in combat.

It was never meant to be permanent, of course, but he hadn't neglected to consider the possibility that he might struggle to come back intact. Before launching across dimensions, Kaiba had set his affairs in order, although only Isono was privy to what that meant.

If he was gone for more than a month, his shares would be converted into Mokuba's name, thereby protecting the interests of Kaiba Corporation. At this point, Mokuba would be appointed interim Chief Executive Officer of KaibaCorp.

If he was gone for two, then Mokuba would formally inherit the business in its entirety, with Isono overseeing most functions from day to day with stricter clauses added to his work contract that would disallow him the chance or ability to destabilize Mokuba from his position, which would still be interim CEO for all public records.

From that point on, the changes were only reversible on paper if Seto returned within a year from the launch date. If not, Mokuba really would inherit the business as the true CEO. He'd meant it when he said he was leaving it all in his brother's hands. What else could you say when you intended to launch yourself at speed from your own space station, with no full guarantee that you wouldn't impact, rather than travel across dimensions?

It wasn't a smart idea from the start to do that, and although Kaiba had achieved his goal metaphysically, the reality was that he had, in fact, launched himself from a space station down to earth. The impact was real, and while the safety features of the pod offset a great deal of the damage, he didn't escape unscathed.

The wreckage was found half a day later, bored sixty feet into the ground. Kaiba had been pulled from it and immediately hospitalized for his injuries which ranged from mild bruising to broken bones, specifically his legs and one arm. His resting heart rate had settled at 130, which was...less than ideal, and needed to be treated.

For the next 3 months, he remained in the hospital in a private room paid for by Mokuba, away from prying eyes and off the general record so that he could heal from his injuries and reawaken healthy but still remain incognito. The former worked out, but waking up...well, Kaiba simply wouldn't. His brain activity was elevated, and his heart rate often spiked, but Mokuba, at least, knew what that meant. He'd pulled his brother from their Neural Network inches before a severe cardiac episode before.

If his vitals were behaving that way, then he got what he wanted--he got that final contact with Atem that he'd been denied due to fulfilling his own dream of spreading Kaiba Land all across the world.

What happened was anyone's guess.

But after three and a half months, Seto Kaiba finally opened his eyes, and the light made his head ache. His heart rate was finally at a level that didn't indicate atrial fibrillation, and although he was pale, thin, and exhausted, he'd finally made it back where he belonged.

He was back home--no. He was...back in a hospital. Why a hospital? Why wasn't he home? Surely, he couldn't have been gone for more than a week or so, right? The dimensional connection had been flimsy at best, and he'd had to spend his time with Atem as quickly as possible.

So why were his limbs heavy? They felt wrong. So much felt wrong, and his eyes wouldn't open all the way, but he can make out a blurry image if he just...forces them to move. Someone...?

"Mo...ku...ba?"

Ugh. No, even his voice sounds awful. The muscles of his throat feel stiff, his voice is hoarse from disuse, and he'd barely managed to say his brother's name, to see if it really was him, or...maybe someone else.

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Curious. So curious. Kaiba's thumb slides against Yuugi's cheek...but then he catches himself. No.

No, he can't do this. It's highly inappropriate. So he pulls his hand back and tries to shift further away from Yuugi. All he manages to do is wince and rattle the bed. making it creak.

Nngh, seriously, why did his legs hurt? He hadn't wanted to look at them. It wasn't cowardice, but his curiosity was not enough to make him move the blankets. Not yet.

He hopes Yuugi doesn't wake from the sounds he'd made. Mokuba either, because he definitely deserved to rest.

The rattling didn't wake Yuugi, but the sudden movement left him tilting forward, and half of his body was now curled up on Kaiba's bed, fully asleep.

Yuugi twitched.

Adjusted.

But did not awaken.

No. No?? Why is Yuugi on the bed now with him, he didn't ask for this! Sure, it was only half of him, but he was seriously encroaching upon Kaiba's personal space, and he feels oddly trapped, unable to risk vacating the bed for more than one reason.

His lack of desire to see what the pod crash had done to him, and the doctor who had the audacity to sedate him possibly trying and succeeding once more.

Yuugi...he really was very tired, wasn't he? If Kaiba had heard such a racket, he'd be on his feet immediately, on the offensive faster than his opponent could be on the defensive.

What a soft, pitiful life Yuugi must have lead. A life without strife. A life that left one useless in a pinch.

At least Kaiba had learned something about his hair. It wasn't important, but it sated a curiosity.

By the time Yuugi's woken up, Kaiba himself has fallen back asleep facing him on the bed, breathing as steadily as he had while comatose. The brain activity, however, was much less frenetic. He's sleeping, but not dreaming.

One hand is situated by Yuugi's head. There's no particular reason it had been so close, none at all.

Yuugi woke up with a soft groan as he...

Nnnh. Where was he?

Why was he face-down on Kaiba's bed, so close to him? Did he flop over in his sleep? He wasn't on the floor nursing a headache so Kaiba prooooobably didn't notice and fling him over.

Yeah. Probably.

Everything was fi--

Wait.

Why was his hand so close to him? Did he... wake up at some point--

No, that was ridiculous. Of course not. He probably just shifted in his sleep.

Yuugi sighed, but found his fingers instinctively reaching for that hand.

As he did so many times before.

Without thinking.

And took it in his, gently squeezing it.

"I...I'm so glad you're okay," he whispered. "I was so worried."

Kaiba's not awake. That much is clear in the way he barely shifts when Yuugi's fingers lace with his own. But there's an unexpected reflex as their palms are pressed together.

Kaiba's fingers twitch, then curl closed around Yuugi's hand. He doesn't even move otherwise, though an unintelligible murmur passes his lips.

He wasn't awake, but that touch on his hand gave Yuugi pause.

He closes his eyes, gently squeezing it.

"Next time...let's play games together, okay? You'll probably beat me pretty hard at Monopoly."

"Mmmnh."

The fingers twitch again, and Kaiba shifts slightly. Unlike Yuugi, he's not a heavy sleeper, but he's still not realized that the voice permeating his thoughts is not self-created.

Not yet...

"And..."

Yuugi bit his lip.

"I'll make lunch for us tomorrow. I may not seem like it, but I've gotten better at cooking. Mokuba likes what I make, anyway."

Should he let go...? No, Kaiba hasn't pushed him away.

Holding his hand feels nice, too...

Unbeknownst to him, Mokuba Kaiba is wide awake, taking video of this like he's collecting blackmail evidence.

The voice...it's so close, it has a feel to it that's not spectral, not the voice he'd chased for so long, not...not a dream.

Lunch...lunch? Who's making him lunch...?

Slowly, ever so slowly, Kaiba's eyes start to open. He's so tired that it'll take time to fully focus, but he does feel oddly warm. Well...at least his hand does. Why? Why are his fingers warm, and enveloped, somehow?

"Mm...?"

"Kaiba...?"

Yuugi whispered, but didn't move.

He didn't think to. Not even to let go of the hand that he held so closely; it was warm. It was normal for him to hold hands with people he cared about. He did it with Atem in his soul room, and often shared hugs with Jonouchi and Mokuba.

Why would this be any different?

"Are you...awake?"

"Mmm..."

That voice...it's Yuugi's, isn't it? He's still here, he's right there, so close that Kaiba can practically feel him breathing on the bed. His vision starts to clear up as he comes around, and he realizes--

--he's holding Yuugi's hand.

He's holding Yuugi's hand.

HE'S HOLDING YUUGI'S HAND...

and as soon as he realizes that, Kaiba jerks his own back.

"Don't touch me," he whispers, his voice still affected by yesterday. "What are you doing?"

Oh, shit.

Aha... yeah, he probably wouldn’t like Yuugi touching him, huh? But...he grabbed him in his sleep, so...

Yuugi lifted his hands in a surrendering gesture with a crooked smile.

"Sorry," He scratched his head. His tone was so hushed, Mokuba could barely pick it up. "I heard that physical contact can help a person in a coma, and I got... used to doing it, I guess."

Aha. Used to doing it.

Says the guy who would make sure to drop big brother's hand the second Mokuba noticed him.

"How are you feeling, though? How'd you sleep?"

Yuugi Mutou held his hand while he was comatose? Without his permission?

Kaiba isn't sure if he likes that. It feels as if Yuugi was taking advantage of his state to do something he wouldn't have allowed otherwise! But then...

...if Kaiba was comatose, he was probably trying to reach out to him, and pull him from the void, through physical contact? But that's not really his business to be doing, and it's foolish because Kaiba would have been unreachable regardless. Still, it's too late for before. Now is a different story.

"Don't make a habit of it anymore," he finally settles on, slowly pulling his arm close to his chest. Ohh, he hates his voice. It barely raises above a whisper without blanking out. This is AGGRAVATING!

"I don't have my voice, obviously," he says in answer to Yuugi's question on his condition. "I don't know why my legs hurt, and I haven't had to use the bathroom since I woke up, which means it's being done for me."

YEAH he intuited the catheter. He hates it!

"I haven't eaten in 3 months, so I've probably got a feeding tube in, and my extremities are injured in some way, which no one has deigned to tell me since I woke up.

But I suppose I slept fine sometime after you and Mokuba decided to play games without me."

Most every word he's said, cut off or not by his inability to properly regulate his blown voice, is rather caustic. He's very unhappy to be stuck in a hospital, and he wants everything out of him that doesn't belong.

Yeeeaaah. He didn't blame Kaiba for being bitter, really; he was out for a few months and had to deal with being stuck with tubes. For someone as larger than life as he presented himself, that must have been torture...

Yuugi could only sympathize.

"You should have the feeding tube taken out today, but you'll probably be on a liquid diet for a bit. I can ask the doctor for a nutrient shake or something, though, if you want."

It was the least he could do, after all.

"The rest of the tubes will likely be taken out by the end of the week as your body gets used to being awake. That's what the books I read said, anyway."

As for his knees...nnnngh. How did you tell someone that their legs were mangled and they'd likely need knee replacements? And then months of physical therapy?

Especially to someone as proud as Kaiba...?

(You don't. You let the doctor do that, which inevitably, she will.)

"You've become a regular nursemaid since I've been away, haven't you Yuugi?" Kaiba asks smartly. Then, he catches a glance at his brother and startles lightly, realizing he's awake. Suddenly he's not entirely interested in staying flat on the bed anymore, and shifts to sit up. It's actually easier today than it had been yesterday.

"Mokuba...you slept here?"

Stupid question, wasn't it? Mokuba seemed to think so, because he gave Seto the same look he had yesterday, the one that makes them look very much the same. Only there was still a hint of humanity, and worry.

"I had to make sure you didn't leave me alone again, bro. You're not sticking me with KaibaCorp forever."

And at that, Kaiba lets out a hoarse laugh.

"I guess now you know why I had all the 'schooling' prior to the hostile takeover."

"Look, I'll take Yuugi being a nursemaid if it means he remembers to eat." Mokuba glanced over to Yuugi, whose face resembled a strawberry more than a person.

"Give him someone to take care of and eat with, and--"

"Anyway," did Yuugi just squeak? "I think that's enough about me, right? I think Kaiba's more interested in how you are doing, yeah?"

That same deadpan look as before was thrown Yuugi's way.

"Right..."

...This feels awkward. Kaiba doesn't really care for how out of place he feels between these two. He isn't quite so comfortable with Yuugi as Mokuba is, not like this, when he's at his worst.

Naturally, his response is to be kind of an asshole.

"You're supposed to be running a company, not a person," he says snarkily to his brother. "Yuugi's an adult and his choices are his own."

"Sure, but when he's working on our dime, I expect him to not drop dead from hunger." Mokuba snarked right back, "Dead workers? Bad for business."

Ah, right. The ball needed to drop sometime.

Does Yuugi need to find cover? He might need to find cover. Nnnghghfg--

Kaiba's eyes narrow, and for the moment, he ignores Yuugi. His brother's the only one in the room for him now.

"If you have something to say, then don't hold back," he says coldly, but there's no bite to his expression at all. He's doing this on purpose.

He's letting his brother have a chance to vent, because Seto had put him through an ordeal that he should never have, and Mokuba deserved to be able to unleash his frustrations to where they belonged.

Ah, yup. Yuugi recognized that flash of anger in his eyes. It was about time he uh. Backed up.

Stood off to the side.

"You leave without much explanation, and then the next day I get a call from the last person I'd expect finding you as a crumpled mess in the mountains. He gave up his university entrance exam to help me get you situated and to make sure you didn't die. If he hadn't been there at point of impact, then you would have died alone and I would have had to bury you instead of bringing you to the hospital."

He gave up so much. They all did, just to make sure things kept running.

"And then I find your contingency plans. You planned on dying. You were ready to die, and for what?

"Yuugi and Isono were the only ones there to help me pick up the pieces and keep things running while you were out. When I had to stay late in meetings? He was here, watching over you."

Clenched fists, clenched teeth.

Yuugi knew better than to try to comfort, instead watching quietly.

"When I cried, wondering if you'd ever wake again? He was there.

So if you have a problem with him being around or working for us, save it. You two might have your history, but I think giving him a paycheck is the least we can do for all he's done."

Kaiba's expression darkens, caught between anger and something else, something uncharacteristic. All the work he'd done, to try and make sure that his brother was secure, and this is how he reacted?! Ungrateful. He didn't understand, he couldn't!

No one could understand the bond that he had with the Pharaoh, the bond which had been torn asunder before Kaiba could even reach his hand out to stop it.

It had infected him, festered below the surface and manifested in a roiling fever that had seized Seto's soul, wounding it. Sickening it. He was so alone...alone as the man he considered an equal and a friend left him behind to--to do what?! To go ahead and die, leaving their business unfinished?!

"I didn't want to die! I thought that--that I'd be back, much sooner, but I miscalculated!"

He's trying so hard not to let his voice peak over its limits, but the more riled up he gets, the more his raised voice cuts to a whisper, as if he himself is trying to mute his excuses.

"He left! He left it unfinished, and then he came, when I was gone, and left again! I wouldn't allow it. I'd never allow him to do this to me again! But Mokuba...I didn't want to leave forever. Not you. Never you."

Never. Never again!

But he'd hurt Mokuba anyway, hadn't he? Just like in Death-T, when he'd thrown him away like so much rubbish, subjected him to the nightmares that he himself suffered, just because that was his reality.

"I'll never clear my debts to you, brother. I don't have the capacity for it."

Those are the pasts that he can't let go, the ones that hurt their bond. Those are the hurts that Seto can't take back, and which soften his face, his temperament, his voice, everything about him.

"I'm so sorry."

Two pairs of feet moved in unison.

One small, one taller, and two pairs of arms wrapped around Seto Kaiba as he suffered in the bed.

The younger brother, terrified of losing the only family he had left.

The rival, moved by the pain and loneliness that would move a man to seeking a man long-dead.

He couldn't bring him here, so he thought he'd go there.

To...

Say goodbye.

That's what it was, wasn't it? Saying goodbye to a dear friend who passed on? No more talk of revival, but just of...

Finishing what they started.

This wasn't about a Duel.

This was so much more than that.

Mokuba Kaiba sniffled once.

"Idiot," he said, "Being alive, being home... that's all I care about.

"Welcome home, Seto / Kaiba."

It started as a crack.

It was always small, a chip on a glacier that widened the longer he lived, eroded by life and experiences, but that line remained thin and never really penetrated. Not until Yuugi and Atem entered his life did the crack widen, deepen, and creep further down. Damage. Painful. Like a wound being needled, and then when the cold came, it strengthened the glacier.

By the time of Battle City, the crack had worn down to the base, spidering out, opening new pathways of possibility. Trusting a man with a precious part of you. Waiting for a miracle you're certain will never come.

More lines, more deeply penetrating. Dreams realized.

But nothing so penetrating as the loss of a friend, when you've never had one. Seto had felt it in his soul, the bone deep agony of loneliness that no one could ever really fill. Not like him. Never...no one could fill that spot.

He tried to patch the ice, bathing the pain in ice cold water that took his breath away and sealed the gaps, fortifying him to his purpose.

His purpose...to bring the king back from his resting place, to desecrate his grave without pity or regret until he showed his face to Seto Kaiba and prostrated himself for considering to leave, without saying goodbye.

Seeing him once more had laid Seto bare, given him the closure he sought, and for that closure he'd brought pain to the one he'd admitted respect for, and the one he loved. Of course they should be angry, they should have left him, and they could have, the arrangements he left were only months away from finalizing Mokuba Kaiba as the new CEO of Kaiba Corporation. He had better people who could support him and care for him than Seto could.

He loves and hates Atem, for shattering the ice that had hurt and protected, shielded and injured. Because when Mokuba and Yuugi gathered him up in their arms, there was nothing else to stem the onslaught of emotions. He was hurting, body and soul. He isn't sure if he'll walk again. He was so afraid that he would be left alone, for what he did. He was afraid that achieving his goals were no longer worth it.

Seto Kaiba had no more strength to rebuild the walls. He went limp in their arms, and his vision blurred as they held him. He couldn't even bring his arms up to return the hug, to either of them. All he could do was bury his face in the hair of one of the ones who loved him and squeeze his eyes shut, letting out the first tears he'd cried since childhood.

Neither could have left him behind: neither wanted to.

Seto was the only parent that Mokuba truly had, who raised him the best he could -- barring...a time that was best not thought about -- after they were thrown away by their bloodsucking relatives. Just as Seto would do anything for his little brother, so too would Mokuba drop everything to protect his brother.

Yuugi always saw such strength, such loneliness in Seto; loneliness he wanted to soothe with every part of himself. The battle with Aigami only intensified this need, and seeing the lengths he'd go just to see a friend again...

It moved him. It moved him and frustrated him and he just wanted to hold this idiot and never let him go.

He wanted to be the pillow that Kaiba could rest on.

He wanted to keep holding him, just like this.

That was what friends did, right?

(No. Yuugi, you--)

Neither said anything.

Mokuba gently rubbed his brother's back, and Yuugi stroked his hair with a friend (lover)'s touch. They held this stubborn, prideful man in their arms and thanked the Gods that he was able to return home to them.

Atem...he made sure Kaiba survived, didn't he...?

The moment seems to last forever, and although he's comforted by the presence of his brother and Yuugi...eventually one hand comes up, gently tapping at Mokuba's back.

It's enough. He can't do this forever...it's not right. Seto can only express himself for so long before it starts to feel wrong, like it's too much. He doesn't want either of them to see his face either, so when they part, he turns away, curling into himself.

Tears are weakness. Shame.

Release, when undeserved. None of this was deserved. All of it was incorrect. He'd spend the rest of his life correcting it.

In the end, it probably looks disrespectful to turn his back on them. But that's just how he is.

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1/it's kaiba we'll see

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