kittensinboxes | I Ended Up Losing And It's All His Fault

I Ended Up Losing And It's All His Fault

Kaiba had gone to the afterlife. He'd finally achieved his dream, and in doing so, faced his eternal rival in combat.

It was never meant to be permanent, of course, but he hadn't neglected to consider the possibility that he might struggle to come back intact. Before launching across dimensions, Kaiba had set his affairs in order, although only Isono was privy to what that meant.

If he was gone for more than a month, his shares would be converted into Mokuba's name, thereby protecting the interests of Kaiba Corporation. At this point, Mokuba would be appointed interim Chief Executive Officer of KaibaCorp.

If he was gone for two, then Mokuba would formally inherit the business in its entirety, with Isono overseeing most functions from day to day with stricter clauses added to his work contract that would disallow him the chance or ability to destabilize Mokuba from his position, which would still be interim CEO for all public records.

From that point on, the changes were only reversible on paper if Seto returned within a year from the launch date. If not, Mokuba really would inherit the business as the true CEO. He'd meant it when he said he was leaving it all in his brother's hands. What else could you say when you intended to launch yourself at speed from your own space station, with no full guarantee that you wouldn't impact, rather than travel across dimensions?

It wasn't a smart idea from the start to do that, and although Kaiba had achieved his goal metaphysically, the reality was that he had, in fact, launched himself from a space station down to earth. The impact was real, and while the safety features of the pod offset a great deal of the damage, he didn't escape unscathed.

The wreckage was found half a day later, bored sixty feet into the ground. Kaiba had been pulled from it and immediately hospitalized for his injuries which ranged from mild bruising to broken bones, specifically his legs and one arm. His resting heart rate had settled at 130, which was...less than ideal, and needed to be treated.

For the next 3 months, he remained in the hospital in a private room paid for by Mokuba, away from prying eyes and off the general record so that he could heal from his injuries and reawaken healthy but still remain incognito. The former worked out, but waking up...well, Kaiba simply wouldn't. His brain activity was elevated, and his heart rate often spiked, but Mokuba, at least, knew what that meant. He'd pulled his brother from their Neural Network inches before a severe cardiac episode before.

If his vitals were behaving that way, then he got what he wanted--he got that final contact with Atem that he'd been denied due to fulfilling his own dream of spreading Kaiba Land all across the world.

What happened was anyone's guess.

But after three and a half months, Seto Kaiba finally opened his eyes, and the light made his head ache. His heart rate was finally at a level that didn't indicate atrial fibrillation, and although he was pale, thin, and exhausted, he'd finally made it back where he belonged.

He was back home--no. He was...back in a hospital. Why a hospital? Why wasn't he home? Surely, he couldn't have been gone for more than a week or so, right? The dimensional connection had been flimsy at best, and he'd had to spend his time with Atem as quickly as possible.

So why were his limbs heavy? They felt wrong. So much felt wrong, and his eyes wouldn't open all the way, but he can make out a blurry image if he just...forces them to move. Someone...?

"Mo...ku...ba?"

Ugh. No, even his voice sounds awful. The muscles of his throat feel stiff, his voice is hoarse from disuse, and he'd barely managed to say his brother's name, to see if it really was him, or...maybe someone else.

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"Look, I'll take Yuugi being a nursemaid if it means he remembers to eat." Mokuba glanced over to Yuugi, whose face resembled a strawberry more than a person.

"Give him someone to take care of and eat with, and--"

"Anyway," did Yuugi just squeak? "I think that's enough about me, right? I think Kaiba's more interested in how you are doing, yeah?"

That same deadpan look as before was thrown Yuugi's way.

"Right..."

...This feels awkward. Kaiba doesn't really care for how out of place he feels between these two. He isn't quite so comfortable with Yuugi as Mokuba is, not like this, when he's at his worst.

Naturally, his response is to be kind of an asshole.

"You're supposed to be running a company, not a person," he says snarkily to his brother. "Yuugi's an adult and his choices are his own."

"Sure, but when he's working on our dime, I expect him to not drop dead from hunger." Mokuba snarked right back, "Dead workers? Bad for business."

Ah, right. The ball needed to drop sometime.

Does Yuugi need to find cover? He might need to find cover. Nnnghghfg--

Kaiba's eyes narrow, and for the moment, he ignores Yuugi. His brother's the only one in the room for him now.

"If you have something to say, then don't hold back," he says coldly, but there's no bite to his expression at all. He's doing this on purpose.

He's letting his brother have a chance to vent, because Seto had put him through an ordeal that he should never have, and Mokuba deserved to be able to unleash his frustrations to where they belonged.

Ah, yup. Yuugi recognized that flash of anger in his eyes. It was about time he uh. Backed up.

Stood off to the side.

"You leave without much explanation, and then the next day I get a call from the last person I'd expect finding you as a crumpled mess in the mountains. He gave up his university entrance exam to help me get you situated and to make sure you didn't die. If he hadn't been there at point of impact, then you would have died alone and I would have had to bury you instead of bringing you to the hospital."

He gave up so much. They all did, just to make sure things kept running.

"And then I find your contingency plans. You planned on dying. You were ready to die, and for what?

"Yuugi and Isono were the only ones there to help me pick up the pieces and keep things running while you were out. When I had to stay late in meetings? He was here, watching over you."

Clenched fists, clenched teeth.

Yuugi knew better than to try to comfort, instead watching quietly.

"When I cried, wondering if you'd ever wake again? He was there.

So if you have a problem with him being around or working for us, save it. You two might have your history, but I think giving him a paycheck is the least we can do for all he's done."

Kaiba's expression darkens, caught between anger and something else, something uncharacteristic. All the work he'd done, to try and make sure that his brother was secure, and this is how he reacted?! Ungrateful. He didn't understand, he couldn't!

No one could understand the bond that he had with the Pharaoh, the bond which had been torn asunder before Kaiba could even reach his hand out to stop it.

It had infected him, festered below the surface and manifested in a roiling fever that had seized Seto's soul, wounding it. Sickening it. He was so alone...alone as the man he considered an equal and a friend left him behind to--to do what?! To go ahead and die, leaving their business unfinished?!

"I didn't want to die! I thought that--that I'd be back, much sooner, but I miscalculated!"

He's trying so hard not to let his voice peak over its limits, but the more riled up he gets, the more his raised voice cuts to a whisper, as if he himself is trying to mute his excuses.

"He left! He left it unfinished, and then he came, when I was gone, and left again! I wouldn't allow it. I'd never allow him to do this to me again! But Mokuba...I didn't want to leave forever. Not you. Never you."

Never. Never again!

But he'd hurt Mokuba anyway, hadn't he? Just like in Death-T, when he'd thrown him away like so much rubbish, subjected him to the nightmares that he himself suffered, just because that was his reality.

"I'll never clear my debts to you, brother. I don't have the capacity for it."

Those are the pasts that he can't let go, the ones that hurt their bond. Those are the hurts that Seto can't take back, and which soften his face, his temperament, his voice, everything about him.

"I'm so sorry."

Two pairs of feet moved in unison.

One small, one taller, and two pairs of arms wrapped around Seto Kaiba as he suffered in the bed.

The younger brother, terrified of losing the only family he had left.

The rival, moved by the pain and loneliness that would move a man to seeking a man long-dead.

He couldn't bring him here, so he thought he'd go there.

To...

Say goodbye.

That's what it was, wasn't it? Saying goodbye to a dear friend who passed on? No more talk of revival, but just of...

Finishing what they started.

This wasn't about a Duel.

This was so much more than that.

Mokuba Kaiba sniffled once.

"Idiot," he said, "Being alive, being home... that's all I care about.

"Welcome home, Seto / Kaiba."

It started as a crack.

It was always small, a chip on a glacier that widened the longer he lived, eroded by life and experiences, but that line remained thin and never really penetrated. Not until Yuugi and Atem entered his life did the crack widen, deepen, and creep further down. Damage. Painful. Like a wound being needled, and then when the cold came, it strengthened the glacier.

By the time of Battle City, the crack had worn down to the base, spidering out, opening new pathways of possibility. Trusting a man with a precious part of you. Waiting for a miracle you're certain will never come.

More lines, more deeply penetrating. Dreams realized.

But nothing so penetrating as the loss of a friend, when you've never had one. Seto had felt it in his soul, the bone deep agony of loneliness that no one could ever really fill. Not like him. Never...no one could fill that spot.

He tried to patch the ice, bathing the pain in ice cold water that took his breath away and sealed the gaps, fortifying him to his purpose.

His purpose...to bring the king back from his resting place, to desecrate his grave without pity or regret until he showed his face to Seto Kaiba and prostrated himself for considering to leave, without saying goodbye.

Seeing him once more had laid Seto bare, given him the closure he sought, and for that closure he'd brought pain to the one he'd admitted respect for, and the one he loved. Of course they should be angry, they should have left him, and they could have, the arrangements he left were only months away from finalizing Mokuba Kaiba as the new CEO of Kaiba Corporation. He had better people who could support him and care for him than Seto could.

He loves and hates Atem, for shattering the ice that had hurt and protected, shielded and injured. Because when Mokuba and Yuugi gathered him up in their arms, there was nothing else to stem the onslaught of emotions. He was hurting, body and soul. He isn't sure if he'll walk again. He was so afraid that he would be left alone, for what he did. He was afraid that achieving his goals were no longer worth it.

Seto Kaiba had no more strength to rebuild the walls. He went limp in their arms, and his vision blurred as they held him. He couldn't even bring his arms up to return the hug, to either of them. All he could do was bury his face in the hair of one of the ones who loved him and squeeze his eyes shut, letting out the first tears he'd cried since childhood.

Neither could have left him behind: neither wanted to.

Seto was the only parent that Mokuba truly had, who raised him the best he could -- barring...a time that was best not thought about -- after they were thrown away by their bloodsucking relatives. Just as Seto would do anything for his little brother, so too would Mokuba drop everything to protect his brother.

Yuugi always saw such strength, such loneliness in Seto; loneliness he wanted to soothe with every part of himself. The battle with Aigami only intensified this need, and seeing the lengths he'd go just to see a friend again...

It moved him. It moved him and frustrated him and he just wanted to hold this idiot and never let him go.

He wanted to be the pillow that Kaiba could rest on.

He wanted to keep holding him, just like this.

That was what friends did, right?

(No. Yuugi, you--)

Neither said anything.

Mokuba gently rubbed his brother's back, and Yuugi stroked his hair with a friend (lover)'s touch. They held this stubborn, prideful man in their arms and thanked the Gods that he was able to return home to them.

Atem...he made sure Kaiba survived, didn't he...?

The moment seems to last forever, and although he's comforted by the presence of his brother and Yuugi...eventually one hand comes up, gently tapping at Mokuba's back.

It's enough. He can't do this forever...it's not right. Seto can only express himself for so long before it starts to feel wrong, like it's too much. He doesn't want either of them to see his face either, so when they part, he turns away, curling into himself.

Tears are weakness. Shame.

Release, when undeserved. None of this was deserved. All of it was incorrect. He'd spend the rest of his life correcting it.

In the end, it probably looks disrespectful to turn his back on them. But that's just how he is.

When Mokuba pulled away, he tugged at Yuugi's sleeve, which gave him the signal to back away, too.

Still...

The sight of him like this twisted Yuugi's heart in knots, over and over and over again as this dragon sat curled into himself with his tail tucked in tight and his beautiful eyes averted. His shoulders carried so much, and yet for so long, he soared high above the world with his head held high.

But then he touched heaven, tasted eternity, and hit the earth with such force that even he needed to repair his wings before he could fly again.

If Seto realized that Yuugi found something wrong in his countenance, perhaps he'd be inclined to agree.

It wasn't for the reason he thought.

No man should ever look like this. No man should ever be so broken, so alone.

Why did Yuugi want to wrap his arms around him again? Why did he want to touch his broken wings, mend them, and then keep him close to his chest? If it meant that he could never have that look again, he'd take all of that pain into himself in an instant.

After all: the Seto Kaiba that was before him now -- the Seto Kaiba that he knew at Battle City, even, at Duelist Kingdom -- was not the same man that he met all those years ago.

He was a companion.

An ally.

A friend.

Someone he...

Cared about.

Yeah. He cared about him. Why else would he always reach out his hand into the darkness, hoping that he'd feel those long fingers grasp his?

A lost man lying prone in a hospital bed.

A broken man standing on the edge of a castle wall.

A lonely man standing before him in the rain.

A grounded dragon crumpled up in a hospital room.

"Kaiba..."

Yuugi wet his lips. Tried to find his words.

(Mokuba peered into Yuugi's face. Did he realize how soft he looked? Did he realize how he was looking at his brother right now?)

He opened his mouth.

Closed it.

Glanced towards the handmade box in the corner with...that prototype in it.

"Are...you awake enough...to try playing a game?"

A distraction. Something to silence the noise that buzzed in his head and the rapid beating of his heart. Something to cool the heat in his face.

Kaiba would have probably been satisfied to stay the way he was, letting the patchy redness fade from his cheeks before he ever turned back to face the world. But Yuugi...of course he finds the one thing that would draw Kaiba's attention.

A game.

Is he ready to play a game...? No. No, he really isn't, but his duelist's soul would never allow him to accept anything else. He yearned for challenge, for what constituted as normal in his mind.

"A game, huh?" he asks, and there's something to his voice, something raw and painful that hasn't quite abated. "You want to play a game with me?"

There really was nothing he could do to push these two completely away. Even his behavior the night prior had been overlooked, because they still wanted to welcome him back to this realm.

Make him feel as if he belonged again. Even when he'd landed broken and soulless. He'd been away for so little, but so long all the same.

"In a moment," he finally concedes, reaching a hand up to wipe at what moisture remained. "I'd never back down from a challenge."

Least of all from Yuugi. And least of all now. It's not just about the challenge, but who's offering it, and why, and when. Nothing's ever been more important than this moment, and balancing the need to acquiesce to repay a debt with accepting because he'd never turn down a true challenge.

Yuugi pretended that he didn't see the way his friend rubbed his eyes or the sound of his voice. Just a dragon would not want to be reminded of a scar or old wound, so too would Kaiba not want him to notice any shreds of pain.

Even if his fingers itched to wipe that wetness away.

(Normal. A totally normal thing.)

"Take your time," Yuugi said, "I'd need to get it set up anyway. Mokuba, do you--"

Mokuba tried to hide his smirk, opting instead to give Yuugi a knowing smile that he seemed to pointedly ignore.

Oh.

Oh he wanted to show Seto that.

Where was the anxiety when Mokuba first puppy-eyed him into showing it off? When he told him his brother would love it? And he tripped over himself with so much embarrassment that he might as well have exploded?

Gone, apparently.

Just as he knew it would be.

He was already walking over to the stack of games, grabbing the unlabeled one.

"You're gonna love this, bro." He said instead. "Yuugi's been... you know what? I'll let him explain it."

Yuugi took the box and cradled it to his chest like a beloved child.

"It's... something I've been working on. A physical prototype of a game I designed."

Kaiba does take his time, and would have even if he hadn't been told to. He stays turned away, breathing in and out to calm himself and push back the pitiful emotional response he'd had just from being wanted.

He was Seto Kaiba. He rebuilt an entire company for the better. He was a master of games, the best Duel Monster's player alive. He was an innovator, an inventor, the one this world needed to break it free from the shackles of human weakness.

Tears? He had no more tears to shed. He would reclaim his throne...with time. He had time now, his goal finally met.

It had nearly cost him everything...but he was too stubborn to die.

Once he feels ready, he turns back to face Mokuba and Yuugi, even sitting himself up completely.

He can't see himself, but there's something still jarringly small about him, something incongruent about his appearance and who he is. And yet...

"You've made a game already? Even with the setbacks?"

"I'm working on making a digital version," Yuugi said, "But I'm using this to fine-tune the ruleset and mechanics. It's easier to have a physical prototype to work with while I'm still learning how to use KC's solid vision engine."

Gods, and was that an undertaking. Everything was so complex but beautifully designed; sometimes Yuugi just played around with the tutorials -- set up like games with a Seto Kaiba AI -- to get to know the engine better.

It was fun.

He sometimes found himself looking forward to learning...

"This is the most complete version of the ruleset."

If it's a game...Kaiba can't help but be curious. Games were life, winning was success, and failure was tantamount to death. Games were the ultimate arbiter. But more than that, they were windows to the soul.

What window had Yuugi created?

"Show me," is all he says. But his eyes, they're sharp and focused, or as focused as they can be in this state.

Mokuba was already pulling out a foldable game table, designed to allow someone to play board games in bed. It looked to be designed to Kaiba's specific tastes, painted in pristine whites and blues with dragons carved into the wood.

A gift from Yuugi.

"I want to do this with a 3-D map..." Yuugi said, "But as a board game, it works better like this."

A round board.

Dice.

Cards that look suspiciously like duel monsters cards.

"This game's called Spherium."

Seto's eyes the table with a strange look on his eye. Had...Mokuba planned this? Had he meant for Seto to wake up and feel less awkward in his bedridden state, and so provided him with something to make him feel normal?

It had to be him, right?

He wants to ask...but he doesn't. Instead, he watches as the board is set up before him, his hands settled in his lap. He doesn't have to move yet. He's just watching. Listening.

Seeing the game and its parts, and trying to decipher how it all works together.

"Spherium."

He's eying those cards. How do they fit in?

"How is it played?"

"It's a strategy game," Yuugi said, "Where two or more players face off against each other in order to capture territory from their opponents. They summon monsters which can be used as troops, and each troop type has their distinct advantages and disadvantages."

He arranged the cards in four piles.

"Eventually each nation will have an ace, but I'm still fine-tuning the base rules."

He pointed to each pile in turn.

"Dragons, Tree Folk, Fiends, and Humans. I'm adding more as I go."

He went over the more intricate rules, next: how attacks worked, how to find weapons on the battlefield and use them to your advantage, how to conquer territory. How to form (and break) alliances with other players.

This was a game of wits rather than of brute strength: a game against strategists rather than warriors.

"Mokuba tends to play as the humans, and I usually use the Fiends. We can deal you in as the Dragons."

Kaiba listens intently, offering very little in turn. He's internalizing the rules, already formulating strategies based on what information he's been given. It's like breathing to him.

But he also seems mildly distracted. His hand traces along the patterning on the table closest to him, and while Yuugi continues to explain, he shifts one leg upward towards him, bending it at the knee.

The pain that blossoms forth is enough to make him jerk in the bed, but only slightly. He keeps it under control. He doesn't betray how much it actually hurt.

"...Dragons. Yes."

He is interested. He wants to play the game, but he's not drawn in entirely yet. There's a great deal still on his mind, not the least of which is his feelings about Yuugi and Mokuba still being here.

Is a game really the thing they should be doing right now? Isn't that...rewarding bad behavior?

Yuugi's eyes flicked towards Kaiba's leg. He was shifting, acting slightly distracted...

Was he in pain?

"Does it hurt?" He asked. "The table, I mean. Does it...hurt? If it's uncomfortable, I'll grab a tea table or something."

"I told you that thing was a bit too heavy," Mokuba sighed. "But noooo, you saw the dragons and had to get it."

"Mokubaaaa..."

"You bought this, Yuugi?"

That definitely draws Kaiba out of his reverie, and earns Yuugi an incredulous look that is much easier to read with Kaiba's hair unkempt as it is. The way one eyebrow cocks up in a questioning manner is hard to miss.

"Why would you do that?" he asks, practically demanding it. "It's not your responsibility to cater to my desires, and this--it couldn't have been cheap. Your paycheck is better spent on things for yourself."

All of this probably sounds very ungrateful to the untrained ear, but...no. No, that's just Kaiba being skeptical as usual. And he doesn't answer as to whether the table's too heavy, at that.

It's not. He's the one that hurt his own leg by moving it. But that's not important.

Man, wasn't this awkward.

Kaiba wasn't wrong, though; it was expensive. It wasn't exactly "kill my paycheck" pricey, but it was definitely...more than he normally would have spent on something like that.

Yuugi averted his eyes and scratched his cheek. My, was that the hint of a blush on his cheeks?

"I just... thought you would like it. The design made me think of you, you know? Sometimes you don't need a reason to want to do something nice for someone."

"Someone. Just 'someone'? I wouldn't do that."

He scoffs, glancing down at the table. There's a conflicted look on his face as he runs a slender finger along the edge of the table, tracing one of the designs.

"The workmanship is acceptable. The theming is within my interests."

But he still doesn't get it. He doesn't get you, Yuugi. They aren't friends, and giving a person who isn't your friend a gift doesn't seem right. But then...he'd been held in Yuugi's arms just minutes ago, hadn't he? He'd accepted that, and allowed himself an emotional release.

Maybe that's why this wasn't sitting right with him--it was too much, too quickly.

"Thank you, I guess," he mutters.

Mokuba gives his brother such a look at that. Sometimes...he can't with you, Seto.

...is it sad that was one of the nicest things Kaiba ever said to him? At least verbally?

Probably.

It was a thank-you, and he wasn't one for niceties. Rude and backhanded that it was, that meant he liked it, at least.

Yuugi's cheeks darkened.

Why was his stomach so warm?

"Well, you hate the 'f' word, so...figured I wouldn't use it?"

Even though Yuugi used that word constantly while Kaiba was in a coma. Even though he took pictures of things he thought Kaiba would want to see when he woke up.

"And um. You're welcome. I'm glad you like it."

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