kittensinboxes | I Ended Up Losing And It's All His Fault

I Ended Up Losing And It's All His Fault

Kaiba had gone to the afterlife. He'd finally achieved his dream, and in doing so, faced his eternal rival in combat.

It was never meant to be permanent, of course, but he hadn't neglected to consider the possibility that he might struggle to come back intact. Before launching across dimensions, Kaiba had set his affairs in order, although only Isono was privy to what that meant.

If he was gone for more than a month, his shares would be converted into Mokuba's name, thereby protecting the interests of Kaiba Corporation. At this point, Mokuba would be appointed interim Chief Executive Officer of KaibaCorp.

If he was gone for two, then Mokuba would formally inherit the business in its entirety, with Isono overseeing most functions from day to day with stricter clauses added to his work contract that would disallow him the chance or ability to destabilize Mokuba from his position, which would still be interim CEO for all public records.

From that point on, the changes were only reversible on paper if Seto returned within a year from the launch date. If not, Mokuba really would inherit the business as the true CEO. He'd meant it when he said he was leaving it all in his brother's hands. What else could you say when you intended to launch yourself at speed from your own space station, with no full guarantee that you wouldn't impact, rather than travel across dimensions?

It wasn't a smart idea from the start to do that, and although Kaiba had achieved his goal metaphysically, the reality was that he had, in fact, launched himself from a space station down to earth. The impact was real, and while the safety features of the pod offset a great deal of the damage, he didn't escape unscathed.

The wreckage was found half a day later, bored sixty feet into the ground. Kaiba had been pulled from it and immediately hospitalized for his injuries which ranged from mild bruising to broken bones, specifically his legs and one arm. His resting heart rate had settled at 130, which was...less than ideal, and needed to be treated.

For the next 3 months, he remained in the hospital in a private room paid for by Mokuba, away from prying eyes and off the general record so that he could heal from his injuries and reawaken healthy but still remain incognito. The former worked out, but waking up...well, Kaiba simply wouldn't. His brain activity was elevated, and his heart rate often spiked, but Mokuba, at least, knew what that meant. He'd pulled his brother from their Neural Network inches before a severe cardiac episode before.

If his vitals were behaving that way, then he got what he wanted--he got that final contact with Atem that he'd been denied due to fulfilling his own dream of spreading Kaiba Land all across the world.

What happened was anyone's guess.

But after three and a half months, Seto Kaiba finally opened his eyes, and the light made his head ache. His heart rate was finally at a level that didn't indicate atrial fibrillation, and although he was pale, thin, and exhausted, he'd finally made it back where he belonged.

He was back home--no. He was...back in a hospital. Why a hospital? Why wasn't he home? Surely, he couldn't have been gone for more than a week or so, right? The dimensional connection had been flimsy at best, and he'd had to spend his time with Atem as quickly as possible.

So why were his limbs heavy? They felt wrong. So much felt wrong, and his eyes wouldn't open all the way, but he can make out a blurry image if he just...forces them to move. Someone...?

"Mo...ku...ba?"

Ugh. No, even his voice sounds awful. The muscles of his throat feel stiff, his voice is hoarse from disuse, and he'd barely managed to say his brother's name, to see if it really was him, or...maybe someone else.

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For a moment, Mokuba and Yuugi look at one another.

Another side effect of being so close to one another for even this period of time: they can have conversations with their eyes and gestures. Mokuba shrugs his right shoulder, as though beckoning Yuugi to start talking.

"You start. I'll follow."

"Ah...yeah." Yuugi swallows. "Your legs were crushed in the impact. They managed to prevent amputating them, but..."

"You're gonna need surgery to get them working like they used to," Mokuba finishes.

They're not saying the silent part out loud: he can't walk. He doesn't have the capacity to put weight on his legs, much less move, even with assistance.

Kaiba feels as if his chest is in a vice.

They'd known...all along they'd known and saw him try to get out of this hospital anyway. Of course they'd let him rail against the doctors, why bother to reason with a madman who couldn't even walk, and didn't even realize it yet?

He shifts the sheet off of one leg, and the way that his eyes widen, the way every single inch of his upper body tenses as if someone's run a current through him...? It's probably disturbing.

He covers up again, but the sight can't be erased. The bruising was mostly gone--where it wasn't being caused by the external fixators. Metal cages with rods driven into his ruined legs, helping to straighten his mistakes.

He'd seen Atem, as he wanted. And he paid the price for it.

The monitor tracking his heart rate and respiration lets out a warning beep, which builds into a steady cadence. He won't look at it, to see that the levels are rising. He refuses to acknowledge it at all. He won't internalize how it makes him feel.

He just turns to Yuugi and Mokuba, hands clenching at the sheets, and again, he looks so small. So human. His eyes are frantic.

"Show me the game," he demands. "I want to see the game."

Only the game, and not anything else. He wants the images burned out of his mind now. NOW!

"Okay."

Yuugi spoke slowly, with a slight lilt; he'd seen those eyes before, but they were not on Seto Kaiba's face. They were on the little brother's.

Second verse, similar to the first.

Mokuba was already moving, pulling out the game again but spreading it along a pair of side-tables that sat on the edge of the bed.

Anything to take attention away from...that.

"This was designed to be played in a 3D space," Yuugi said, setting the pieces and cards on the board. "But making a 3D board was far too difficult and unwieldy for what I wanted to do; not to mention expensive if I wanted to manufacture an analog version."

A subtle joke. Something to possibly distract Kaiba from his thoughts.

"Would you like to play against me and learn the rules as we go, or would you want to watch me and Mokuba play one and have us explain what we're doing?"

"Play me," Kaiba says almost immediately. He doesn't mean to cut Mokuba out of the equation, but even his little brother can tell that he needs this. It's written all over his face, how he needs the distraction.

Yuugi's joke is lost on him, clattering into the abyss of his anxiety--anxiety?!

Kaiba doesn't feel anxiety. Even when faced with death, he stood tall--

--but you need legs to stand, don't you? And he doesn't have working legs. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

"I'll figure it out. Just...give me the cards."

Not so much a dragon as a grounded, pathetic salamander, is he? But he clings to this game, letting Yuugi take the first move, to explain the rules to him. He only needs the barest help, he's prided himself on being the best gamer in Japan and he doesn't need to be coddled over not knowing the exact way the game works.

He picks it up well enough to force Yuugi onto the backfoot early on, at least. A fitting distraction, to be able to fight and win.

He can almost forget the ache in his legs, and where that originates from.

Almost.

Honestly, Kaiba was a natural. If the circumstances were a little different, Yuugi could have found himself truly losing himself in the experience.

He'd thought about Kaiba a lot while making the rules, while thinking of the monster types and how to move around the terrain--

Yuugi was on the backfoot early on, but he knew how to turn things around by using the terrain to his advantage. He set up a pincer attack, but he knew Kaiba would get out of it. He hoped he would; that way he could fall for his actual trap...

Mokuba meanwhile bit his lip, sitting off to the side.

Yuugi'd often talked about how he'd hoped their first game would go, but...it was a little sad that it was in the throes of an anxiety attack. Still, Seto needed this.

Heck, Yuugi needed this, too.

It was through games that the two of them communicated best, after all.

It was like breathing, to play the game...but his moves weren't the best, despite all efforts. He almost fell to the pincer, with no way out, but at the last moment, he rose to the skies, where his units would work best.

But even then, his attacks were too straightforward. It wasn't nearly as much strategy as it was bruteforcing, trying to break the back of Yuugi's forces in the most direct manner possible.

Blue eyes seemed intently focused on the cards, but they had a manic glint to them, something betraying that his heart's only partly in the game.

...Mostly in the game, at the very least. He's not trying to disrespect it.

But he's not all there. He's easy to distract.

It was obvious that he wasn't all in it, but that was okay.

This, in its own way, was how Yuugi communicated that he didn't care what Kaiba's body was like now, or how long it would take for him to walk again.

Kaiba was more than his body. He was more than the things he could do in the moment. He was power personified, a force of nature that could not be hampered and could only come back stronger. His ambitions and foolhardiness sent him to the ground and made him a grounded man, but Yuugi knew it was temporary.

It always was with Kaiba.

That was one of the things he admired about him, after all.

His tenacity.

His ability to turn almost any situation to his favor.

Even when he was half-in it with a game he didn't know, he still played incredibly well...

But Yuugi performed his coup de grace, and secured himself a victory.

Kaiba in another situation might have reacted differently to loss. He wasn't fond of losing, but he'd long since learned to accept it when it happened, and fixate on achieving victory in the future to settle the matter.

That's not what he does this time.

This time, when Yuugi takes him out, Kaiba slams his hands on the table, scattering the cards everywhere and letting out a frustrated snarl.

"Again!" he snaps, his eyes wide and practically vibrating. "I won't lose to you again!"

...Yeah he's not okay.

This was...This was bad.

On one hand, he needed to be distracted. On the other...patiently sitting around and suffering this wasn't going to be good for anyone.

His chest ached.

What could he do? What could he actually do to help with this? Kaiba vibrated with frustration and one glance at his heart monitor showed the numbers floating upwards into dangerous territory--

Territory that, if ignored, could hurt him or worse.

Yuugi had to do something.

"Kaiba." Yuugi used this tone before with Mokuba: steady but soft. Gentle. "We'll play again in a minute once I get everything set back up. You need to breathe; your heart rate and blood pressure are going up."

Steady.

A rock in a storming sea.

A steady force, just as he was for a much smaller man crying against his front--

Yuugi's efforts were commendable, but the issue here was that he wasn't dealing with the right Kaiba for that to work nearly as well.

"I don't care that they're going up! I'm in a hospital, the doctors will fix it! What else do I pay them for?!"

Even as he says it, Kaiba knows that's stupid, but he's angry. He's bedbound and miserable, he can't do anything...anything! Who is he, without the ability to move forward in his life? He'd finally gotten what he wanted, what he needed, and he'd thought about doing it again, but how could he, when...when this was the result?

Mokuba was right about one thing--Seto was in the midst of an anxiety attack, and his racing heartrate was giving it away.

"Bro, please--please, you're going to hurt yourself!" the younger Kaiba pleaded, moving closer, trying to calm Seto down as well. "It'll take time to heal, but you will!"

He reaches for Seto's hand, holding it gently, trying to manipulate the fingers with his own, to calm his brother, but he only tears his hand away, barely wincing at the agony of his IV dislodging. Even when blood drips on the sheets, he doesn't calm down.

"Stop! Telling me!"

Stop telling him anything! All he wanted to do was keep playing a game, keep forgetting, until his legs didn't hurt anymore--and they were, hurting much worse. He knows it's because his entire body's tensing with his anxiety, the panic of being stuck in one place.

Anxiety attacks were the worst.

When Yuugi had them, he was inconsolable for a while. He trembled, he hugged himself, he cried and rocked himself until he couldn't think anymore. He hadn't had one of those in a long time, though; not when he was in front of people, anyway.

There was only one thing that consoled him when he got bad enough.

Yuugi's arms were around Kaiba's middle before he could stop himself, hugging him tight.

This was the kind of hug that was meant to encompass the person in warmth, in security.

"Kaiba." He whispered against his hair. "Kaiba."

Nothing more. No other words, no telling. No ordering him to calm down; just a quiet whisper of his name against his hair in fixed intervals, almost rhythmic.

"Nngh! Get off--"

Kaiba's hands push against Yuugi's shoulders, but...it's not strong enough. Somehow he can't manage to push him off, even though he wants to. Even though Yuugi's holding him, and can feel how weak he is, how thin and pathetic...

...and he stayed anyway. He said Kaiba's name, over and over. His breath is like a warm gentle breeze ruffling Kaiba's hair, making his scalp tingle.

"Get off of me."

His heart's still hammering in his chest, but he's not shoving Yuugi away. And when Mokuba takes hold of his hand, lacing their fingers and burying his face against Seto's forearm.

"Seto..."

Kaiba doesn't want them here...he doesn't want to feel Yuugi's body press against the sharp angles of his frail body. He doesn't want to bleed on his brother.

"Please..." he says quietly, before bowing his head and relenting to the reality that they wouldn't leave. Not even if he wanted them to, not even if he wanted to throw himself from the bed and force himself to walk.

The cadence of the medical machinery starts to slow, the beeping sounding less dire as he's forced to calm down. His eyes seem to haze over as he stares at nothing at all. He can't even make out what's in his line of sight anymore, and he doesn't want to.

Yuugi didn't know how long he held him. His body swayed slightly, as though a metronome, even as his voice quieted and the words faded from his lips.

This was a man who was bound to the earth, who used to fly so brightly and shine in the heavens. He always did that; he stood strong and tall and regal, and now he couldn't.

But that didn't mean he was less.

That didn't mean Yuugi would throw him away or leave his side. Why would he? He did something stupid, and he was paying for it. Nobody was irredeemable, nobody was beyond hope.

And he...

He believed in Kaiba.

Mokuba sniffled against his arm, just as he had all those days ago, even as his hand clamped on the IV wound to help it clot.

Yuugi's fingers moved on their own, gently stroking against his hair, before...something pressed against the side of Kaiba's head.

A pressure.

Something Yuugi did not notice.

"We're not leaving you," Mokuba shook his head. "Even if you tell us a million times, we're not going to abandon you."

"We're here for you." Yuugi added. "Both of us."

The pressure feels...strange. Warm. A little moist, he thinks? But he doesn't move away from it. Seto's not sure if he has it in him to move anymore. The more he loosens up, the greater the pain in his legs became. And he was vaguely aware of the ache in his hand, where Mokuba was applying pressure. Something...had happened.

"I know you won't," he muttered softly, his other hand reaching up to awkwardly curl around Yuugi's shoulder. Worst hug ever, if it could even be considered one. "You told me already...you're glad I'm here."

He still sounds distant, not-quite-back from whatever he'd gone through.

"You're warm."

They both are.

"I'm glad." Yuugi murmured. "You...you are, too."

He was...soft, in a way.

Not traditionally, but there was something warm that sat in the center of his chest when he held him like this. Even as Seto was bony and all edges, there was something that made Yuugi feel...

...

Something.

"Hey, bro...?" Mokuba's voice quivered only slightly. "We're going to let go of you now, okay...?"

Neither of them wanted to, but they needed to let the doctors and nurses do their jobs. Kaiba's IV had to be put back in, and the doctors needed to be notified about the elder Kaiba's...

...

Delicate mental state.

"Fine," Kaiba says, and it doesn't really sound...right, the way he says it. Fine, but not in his usual curt manner. It's still faraway, and sounds like a platitude, if ever he could speak one.

When they do pull away to summon a nurse, he still has the presence of mind to put pressure on his injured hand, to keep blood from getting all over the sheets.

It'll be hard to change them when he's like this. Hard to move him. Right?

Despite his harsh words when he was keyed up, Kaiba stays quiet when nurse patches up his hand and seeks a new place to reinsert the IV. This time, it's further up on his arm. Given the nature of the situation, he's asked questions that he doesn't really like, but is too raw not to give answers to. Even if they're avoidant, it's easy to tell that he's not feeling much himself.

("how are you feeling?"

"how would you feel if you were like this?"

"what is your pain level on a scale of 1 to 10?"

"seven."

"have you experienced feelings of anxiety before?"

"no", and it's so blatant a lie that everyone in the room knows

"do you avoid situations that make you anxious?"

"no")

Whatever the case, he's encouraged to settle down for a while, and given a dose of morphine, which has the dual purpose of helping relieve his pain, and also calm him down. Hard to be anxious at all when your mind goes slippery like that.

"Now," he murmurs slowly, looking disappointed, "we can't...play a game."

It tugged at Yuugi's heart to watch him.

His hands ached to move, his legs...his legs moved for him, and he took his usual seat at his side, near his head. It was his usual space, Mokuba usually sitting closer to his hand while he was still...asleep.

"It's okay. Once you get some sleep..."

Did Yuugi know how gentle his voice sounded? How doting?

"We can. I promise."

Kaiba blinked sluggishly as Yuugi spoke, and his eyes didn't quite make it all the way open. He's so tired...but...

"Haven't you...been watching me sleep all this time?" he asks hazily. "You found me...you stayed here. Didn't you?"

Under the influence of the medication, Kaiba can't resist closing his eyes any longer. His breathing hasn't yet evened out in the full surrender though. He still wants to talk.

"Good. Stay here...please."

His fingers twitch in the memory of something warm, something soft he'd glided his fingertip into. It's a nice thing to remember, how Yuugi's hair had felt. How he felt against Kaiba's fingers in general.

"I'm not...going to sleep," he adds, as if that'll make it true. "I've slept enough..."

Stay here...please.

Those words were a fishing line tugging at his heart. It wanted to come out, his ribcage wanted to open, split, with his feelings pouring out with words he didn't understand or even know.

All he knew was...

"I'll stay...for as long as you'll have me."

Mokuba wondered if he should just leave the room and leave these two alone.

"Even if you do sleep...I'll be right here when you wake up."

...Yeeeaaaaaaaah...

"Nooo."

The syllable stretches slightly more than Kaiba intends it to.

"Sleeping is...not..."

He trails off and lets out a sigh, his head tipping to the side.

"I want to leave. I want to go home...I want to go home..."

Fighting the urge isn't doing him any favors. The more he fights it, the more honest his words become.

"Hospital's terrible."

His fingers twitch again, for the want of something. He wants to know someone's there. His brother, mostly, but...Yuugi would be an appropriate surrogate in this situation. Right? Any port in a storm, and Yuugi's voice is like a soothing balm across raw nerves.

Those finger twitches attract a hand, gentle and small, to hold his.

It was on reflex; he'd held Kaiba's hand so much during his coma that he didn't think twice about it. Featherlight fingertips traced circles on Kaiba's skin, soothing and soft.

"I know it is," Yuugi murmured. "As soon as you can get discharged...I'll get you home. I promise."

Mokuba kept an eye out near the door, shooing away any nurses that could come by with a whispered "Big brother and Mr. Mutou want some privacy."

"You're...a good friend."

Kaiba's fingers squeeze Yuugi's for the briefest moment.

"I'll keep you."

...And then his grip goes slack.

Yuugi's fingers, for a moment, squeeze back...

"...I'll keep you, too."

He paused.

"Sweet dreams, Seto."

---

Time passed, but still Yuugi's thoughts lingered on those words. Was this what it was like to find buried treasure after years of trying to find it? Years of reaching his hand out, getting it slapped back, only to hear what he'd always wanted to hear in a burst of opioid-induced honesty?

His stomach wouldn't stop fluttering.

His cheeks couldn't stop glowing.

Mokuba had to step out to get something to eat; it was late, and Burger World was only going to be open a few more hours before it switched to its breakfast menu.

Ugh, Burger World Breakfast: the bane of Yuugi's existence because it didn't serve real burgers.

He sat at Kaiba's side, handheld game in his hands as he played...something that looked like a strategy game. There were units on a battlefield, all named after people Yuugi knew. There was Mokuba the Ninja, Ryou the White Mage, Jonouchi the Samurai, Anzu the dancer, Yuugi the Summoner...

And Seto, the Dragoon, spear in hand as he did the majority of the party's raw physical damage.

He hummed to himself as he played; it was lilting and quiet, almost like a calming waltz that fluttered through the air.

As far as Kaiba was concerned, he hadn't fallen asleep at all. He was still awake, talking with Yuugi and his brother. They were playing Spherium again...and this time, Seto was calmer, more into the match. He was doing better, enough to match Yuugi's moves one to one.

His lips curved into a smirk as he slapped down a card, advancing a unit against Yuugi that he wouldn't be able to block. He laughs raucously, and leans up against the table. He's on his feet, and it feels so good to be, to support his own weight and lean in to taunt his rival.

Yuugi just smiles, plays in response, and their units are pitted against one another.

This time, this time for sure, he'll--

--what is that sound? That's...not quite his idea of a victory fanfare, it's bouncy, but not something he'd expect when...when...

...Kaiba eyes slowly open, just the barest bit. He doesn't move yet, because he's still caught at the precipice of sleep and being awake. His head aches, and his throat feels too dry.

As his gaze focuses up, he catches sight of...of Yuugi? Yes, he's playing a game, and humming a jaunty little tune, something that almost sounded like an overworld theme to a JRPG.

Maybe not though, he's still too out of it to tell, but at least the morphine's worn off enough to let him slowly clear his mind.

"...How's...anyone supposed to sleep like this?" he grumbles, and for the first time since he'd woken up, his voice is back to it's full strength, albeit tired and scratchy.

Yuugi moved Seto into position, letting him take down the enemy archer before turning his head, smiling at his...

Friend?

Friend.

Definitely friend.

Gods, they were really friends! Kaiba really saw him as a friend, he couldn't believe it!

"Good morning to you, too," He chuckled. "It's around 3 in the morning. You slept for a good 12 hours."

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