kittensinboxes | Hang My Head, Drown My Fear [Lab of Nature AU, Suffering Is Magic]

Hang My Head, Drown My Fear [Lab of Nature AU, Suffering Is Magic]

Kaiba remembers pain. He remembers...drowning.

And he remembers smiling as he maliciously made it all worse and watched the life spill from his throat, spewing out with arterial force before him and creating a mess of wasted life all around him.

Then, he remembers--more pain? How could there be more pain after death? He knows he's screaming, but nothing comes out. He struggles against his bonds, but he's too weak, too weak, and even opening his eyes shows little besides the searing white lights of an operating room, the flash of a face that resembles an ape...and then, nothing. He feels something cover his mouth, inhales reflexively...then passes out. It's a release, freeing him from the delirium of the restoration and the pain of the experimentation that occurs in between.

He won't remember it. Perhaps that's a mercy.

---

When Kaiba finally does wake, it's in a new room, with aching limbs, a soured stomach, and a throat that feels poorly patched up.

He's too weak to sit up, but his tired eyes scan his surroundings, seeking out any familiarity at all. He has to do it slowly, so that the tracking of his own eyes doesn't nauseate him more than he already is.

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It doesn't matter, in the end, what Yuugi's response would have been. Because Kaiba's response is to peel the paper back, glare at the shitty little baked good in his hand, and take a bite out of it.

He's committed. He's not sorry. He's going to eat it, so that Yuugi doesn't try and do it himself.

He'll accept the consequences. Surely the scientists wouldn't try to kill him, right? Death is not the best vehicle for attaining Light. There are better ways to extract suffering.

Such as a slow-acting, non-lethal poison.

...Right?

Holy shit, the crazy son of a bitch actually ate it.

Was he nuts?! What was he hoping to get out of this?! What if it...

What if it killed him?

Yuugi offered alternatives, and yet nothing worked! He still...!

"K...aiba... you just..."

It takes a minute, and he's definitely pulling faces over this thing, but...eventually Kaiba eats the whole cupcake.

Because he is not letting Yuugi eat it and he means that with his whole fucking chest.

Once he's done though, he crosses his arms and stares Yuugi down.

You've had enough.

Besides: he'd already said he was going to eat it before Yuugi took his head off for his callous behavior. Nothing changed, other than Yuugi convincing him more strongly of what he would be doing here.

Besides which, you can't go anywhere. Whatever happens, you'll be party to it. I'd say I'm sorry, but I have a feeling you'd have eaten it if I didn't, out of some kind of idea of "protecting" me or something.

Ridiculous.

Yuugi crosses his arms and stares right back. He can be just as stubborn as you, sir.

"It's not ridiculous," he insists. "To want to help you... that's not ridiculous at all."

But he was right. No matter what happened, he'd be right there. Yuugi would have to hear and see it all.

And...

He would have eaten this if Kaiba had not.

I could give you at least a handful of reasons as to why it is.

But...he doesn't feel like it. Instead, Kaiba turns on his heel and moves to his bed, sitting with arms crossed and glancing at Yuugi thoughtfully.

Play a game with me.

"Even if you did, you don't scare me."

He's seen bigger and badder guys than you, Seto Kaiba. But..

It was those next words that pricked his ears and got his attention. Game? He wanted to play a game?

Really?

Yuugi's eyes sparkled.

"Yes! I'd love to! What do you want to play?"

Because what else could they do in this place? And playing a game with him could help him keep an eye on his condition...

No. I don't imagine I do scare you. That in and of itself is also ridiculous.

As for the game...

Twenty Questions. Or Two Truths and A Lie. Pick.

It was as close to an olive branch as Kaiba would offer. Yuugi knew nothing of him, and this was an opportunity for him to find out more. Probably the only opportunity Kaiba would give him so freely.

He wanted a distraction too, after all. At least until they determined what trouble Kaiba had gotten them into. Which he does not regret, by the way.

"Hmmm...Two Truths and a lie. I like that one."

Twenty questions was just that: asking questions. It was a fun game on its face, but sometimes you needed a little more creativity. A little more panache.

That's why Two Truths and a Lie was so much fun. You could learn so much about a person just based on what kind of lies they told, or what they themselves thought was ridiculous about another person.

"Do you want me to go first?"

Yes. You may as well. Come on.

And as he says that, he turns to walk to the nearest bed, taking a seat and glancing at Yuugi expectantly. For a moment, he almost feels...normal. Like a regular person agreeing to a game with a schoolmate who he definitely hadn't tried to murder.

And Yuugi felt normal, too.

Like a normal kid who hadn't been filleted alive more times than he could count, or who hadn't killed his father figure in a mercy killing.

Or been eaten.

"Okay, um...All right."

Come on, stop sounding so giddy! Even as Yuugi sat down next to Kaiba, he couldn't keep the light out of his eyes or the smile off his face.

"I think my Grampa has the best taste in games. I hate leeks. I sent dirty messages to a handsome man over the public network."

...The third one.

It must be the third one, right? Kaiba can think of no reason as to why Yuugi would send dirty messages to a man on the network, much less consider them handsome? Then again...maybe Kaiba was the one who needed to learn more about Yuugi, if that ended up being the wrong guess.

...Seriously though?

Yuugi chuckled.

"Nope. That's not the lie."

Of course he'd think that was the lie; he'd already called him naive, right? Was the version of him that he knew...had he talked to boys before? Or girls? Did he peek at the muscles of attractive men in the locker room like Yuugi did? Did he think about pretty athletic girls in skintight spandex like Yuugi did?

What was the version he knew...like?

That was an interesting thing to think about.

"It was the first one. I love my grampa, but he's a bit old fashioned, you know? He doesn't get the newer stuff. I saved up all my money and worked in the shop to get a PC-98 and when he found out that was what I was saving up for, he got so frustrated! But when a new game comes out, I just gotta get my hands on it and play!"

It...wasn't the third one. Kaiba hides well how taken aback he is by that, but he is taken aback, at least at first. Then he realizes...why be surprised? He doesn't study his peers at school like that. Most days, he has his nose in a book to shut himself off from anyone. The only time he'd been sociable with anyone was when it suited his purposes.

Each smile on his face was a falsity created out of necessity.

He didn't need to go to school. He didn't need to do any of that.

Of course. The old man's shop is out of date, he concedes. Sugoroku's shop was as old-fashioned as he was, but to think that Yuugi would have done something like that, go behind his back for something so modern? Well...it isn't that Kaiba disagrees. It's just odd, thinking of Yuugi doing anything but going along with the status quo in his life.

But they're playing a game, aren't they? He hasn't forgotten.

I can read and speak three languages. I contributed to military training. I have gone to school on no sleep.

"It is," Yuugi agreed. "I love him, but he really doesn't understand modern games at all. If I made a game, it'd probably be something that blended the old and the new. You know, like a board game that you could play like a hologram or something like that."

Shit, he hadn't meant to bring that up. That quiet dream, the one that he kept deep in his chest but never did anything with but smile at when things got bad.

"Though...I'm pretty sure that's not gonna happen anytime soon. Someday, though."

Those statements, though...Yuugi squinted for a moment...before answering.

"The second one."

You know, you should probably should explain your reasoning for that one...

"Well, you said that you did something to me, and you come off as a model student who would study all night and not get much rest. But you're the same age as me, right? I don't know how you would have been able to contribute to military training unless you were some kind of super spy or super genius or something...You know, like something out of a movie."

Incorrect. It was the first one. I can read and speak at least five languages. Not three.

Kaiba smirks wryly. Perhaps it wasn't the most straightforward way to do things, but it had tripped Yuugi up, hadn't it? And of course, he'll explain. He does so slowly, to convey his lip movements as clearly as possible.

Included in my list of specialties is proficiency in the field of virtual reality and holograms. The former was of particular use to...a certain company which elected to use it for military purposes--to train soldiers through virtual reality simulations.

As for being a model student, I suppose you could say that.

Model student, but not at school. There was no need for him to pay half as much attention in class as he did, not when he was already schooled to the university level before he ever showed up at Domino High.

Rather than linger on his unorthodox education or his stolen intellectual property, he'd rather fall back to thinking about the intriguing mention of a board game that could be played as a hologram. He makes a note to ask Yuugi about it later, when they're not playing a game of a different sort already.

For a moment, Yuugi mouthed the words to himself: Five languages.

Five. Languages.

But then Kaiba kept talking. He can make virtual reality things. And holograms. He's skilled in tech. Like coding and working with engines and all those things that looked so intimidating to Yuugi. And he just. Did it!

No hesitation!

"That's amazing! You're so smart, Kaiba!"

His...

(Friend)

...Roomie was so cool.

Edited 2025-04-03 23:17 (UTC)

"Okay, okay. So it's my turn now, right? Uhm..."

Come on, he had to trip him up again! He had such an interesting set of truths, but Yuugi was...Yuugi. He wasn't very interesting at all.

All he really had were games. Compared to a literal supergenius?

And...

"I taught myself English and can speak it fluently. I'm banned from the Sendai Mahjong parlor downtown. I prefer taking small bites when I eat burgers."

Of course I'm smart. I didn't get where I am being stupid.

Obvious statement, but if Kaiba had been a fool, he'd never have gotten adopted, and he'd probably have lost his brother for good. After all, adopting a five year old with a sweet expression is much more tempting than adopting a ten year old with blue eyes sharp as a hawk's, right?

He wouldn't have adopted himself.

As for the game...that was a bit more of a challenge. The question here was more along the lines of whether Yuugi actually had the brains to teach himself English all on his own. It was an exceedingly complicated language for being one with such a simplified singular alphabet.

The question of whether Yuugi would actually eat a burger slowly is also a conundrum, but that's more because Kaiba didn't really take an active role in trying to research Yuugi's eating habits. It's not like they were friends.

Hmm.

The first one's the lie. You can't expect me to believe you taught yourself a whole language alone, can you?

...Can he?

Edited (wording) 2025-04-04 01:03 (UTC)

"I don't know, what do you think, Mr. Kaiba?" Yuugi responded in perfectly accented English. "Being able to play American video games and watch American shows is way past cool, you know!"

See, Yuugi was hip. He watched the coolest shows right out of America. By talking to a guy from the nearby American military base who recorded them on VHS and gave them to him, but you know. It was fun! It was a really good way to learn his English and get his hands on the American RP books and video games that people liked to pass around! Yeah, you had to go to specific shops to even know where to look, but that was part of the game! The thrill! The adventure of diving into that kind of subculture--

Oh, right. Aha. Probably should do more than just grin, yeah?

"I even got my hands on a copy of Mortal Kombat for the Mega Drive, and that was really hard to get!"

Holy shit he really did teach himself English. Kaiba is actually impressed! Enough that it shows on his face, whether he wants it to or not.

Hmm. So you learned English, just so you could do things like watch television and play games?

It looks judgmental. If it had sound, it'd sound judgmental. But not for the reason Yuugi would assume. While Kaiba would never be able to identify it, much less admit it, there was the barest shade of...envy. There wasn't a world in which Seto Kaiba would ever be able to do something as impressive as learn the English language through osmosis.

He was book smart, and not in a good way.

He almost wants to tell Yuugi his accent's muddled...but that would be disrespectful to the effort.

And it's actually not a bad accent at all.

I didn't ask for your whole life story, is what he settles on mouthing, before returning to the game.

Anyway.

I detest oden. My parents are rich and well-connected. I've fallen asleep in class at least once.

There. That ought to give Yuugi plenty to work with. As before, one of the answers is...tricky. Kaiba doesn't feel bad about it either. Though...he is starting to feel mildly lightheaded. Not enough to show. Enough to notice.

He's also probably tired. So it's likely related to that.

"What's wrong with that?" Yuugi pouted in Japanese. "I don't learn well if I'm not having fun with it."

Understatement of the century. His English grades were by far his strongest ones, and that was because he used them all the time for video games and TV. And then there was Dad, and E--

No. No, he wasn't going to think about them right now.

Sadness glittered in Yuugi's eyes for just a moment before whispering away.

"Hmmm...I think the third one is the lie. You don't seem like the sort of person who'd fall asleep in class; you'd never let yourself live it down."

Kaiba was a proud person, after all...

Well, you are partly correct.

For the first time since they'd begun the game, Kaiba uncrosses his arms, bracing his hands against the bed and leaning back slightly. It's half-stretch, half-relaxing of his posture. He's not yet entirely comfortable around Yuugi, but if they're going to be in this kind of proximity, he's not going to discomfort himself forever.

I was very displeased with myself the first time that I fell asleep in class. I would make no excuse for it, except that the teacher in that particular class didn't have the courage to approach me about it. Or, perhaps she didn't notice.

He gives Yuugi a cockeyed smirk that would probably be better off on Jounouchi's face than his own.

My parents are dead. Even when they were alive, however, I don't believe they were well-connected. Wealthy enough though.

Not that his memories were all that great, but of the two brothers, Seto was the one who would know. He doesn't feel too bothered about it, which was why he'd used it as a gambit for a game. What was the point being bothered? That would just be showing weakness.

Still, having seen the look on Yuugi's face prior to his guess, he has the distinct idea that perhaps it would bother Yuugi. He was sensitive...and he'd been thinking about something that bothered him.

Looks like we're at an impasse here. Shall we take a break?

"Your parents are..."

Oh, that...

Ah. Shit.

"I'm so sorry! I know it was a long time ago, but...losing your parents never gets easier, y'know?"

Take it from Yuugi on that one. Years with no father, and he still felt the void, gaping and clawing at him like a spore that never had its fill of flesh. Over and over and over, chewing, consuming, whispering in his ears--

"...I would know. I uh. Lost my dad. Twice."

As quickly as the vulnerability left his lips, though, he knew he had to pivot. Kaiba wasn't the kind of guy who dwelled on feelings long, it seemed. But...vulnerability for vulnerability, right? Truth for truth?

"And no, I'm okay! Don't worry about me," he said, "I'm okay. It's my turn next though, right?"

Twice? Then we have that in common as well, Kaiba mouths with an icy expression, but it's less directed at Yuugi, and more directed at the fact that he didn't much care for his adoptive father. You don't have to trip over yourself with sympathy. I'm better off without the second "father."

And Yuugi doesn't have to know whether he remembers his actual parents, does he now? At least not until Kaiba sees fit to use it as part of the game.

Go on then. Take your turn. I'm listening.

After saying that, he tilts his head back, letting his eyes slip shut. He's not so much lightheaded anymore as his vision is slipping in and out of focus. If he closes his eyes, that won't matter.

He's just tired. Nothing else.

...Did he step on a nerve? It seemed like it, with the way his frosty gaze pierced him like the tips of a thousand needles; he had to be careful.

(What did he mean by 'he was better off', though? Was his second father a bad person? Were they the reason behind the hollowness in those eyes? Were they the reason why Kaiba was so closed off, clutching his heart in an impenetrable cage?)

And then when his eyes closed and he tilted his head back.

Was he okay?

He knew better than to ask, but...

"Okay, then...

"If I was a girl, I would have been named 'Hanafuda'. I snuck into a concert in Junior High. I got my hands on a Blue Eyes White Dragon model kit."

Blue Eyes White Dragon...one of the rarest cards in Duel Monsters, and a beautiful card. That kit was sitting in the back of his closet at home, just waiting for him to put it together. It wasn't one of the sofubi kits he was used to, either, or the ones made of PVC where you had to soak the pieces before cutting them...

It was made of pure resin.

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