kittensinboxes | Hang My Head, Drown My Fear [Lab of Nature AU, Suffering Is Magic]

Hang My Head, Drown My Fear [Lab of Nature AU, Suffering Is Magic]

Kaiba remembers pain. He remembers...drowning.

And he remembers smiling as he maliciously made it all worse and watched the life spill from his throat, spewing out with arterial force before him and creating a mess of wasted life all around him.

Then, he remembers--more pain? How could there be more pain after death? He knows he's screaming, but nothing comes out. He struggles against his bonds, but he's too weak, too weak, and even opening his eyes shows little besides the searing white lights of an operating room, the flash of a face that resembles an ape...and then, nothing. He feels something cover his mouth, inhales reflexively...then passes out. It's a release, freeing him from the delirium of the restoration and the pain of the experimentation that occurs in between.

He won't remember it. Perhaps that's a mercy.

---

When Kaiba finally does wake, it's in a new room, with aching limbs, a soured stomach, and a throat that feels poorly patched up.

He's too weak to sit up, but his tired eyes scan his surroundings, seeking out any familiarity at all. He has to do it slowly, so that the tracking of his own eyes doesn't nauseate him more than he already is.

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Seto Kaiba...who was he, really? He'd spent six months alone, in the darkness with only pinpricks of light that manifested as he needed them, tickling at the edges of his mind and unlocking bits at a time.

For six months, he was alone, and it hadn't felt like six months. It had felt like a strange, impermanent eternity during which he had to remember who he was.

Not Seto Kaiba

Just Seto.

So long he'd built himself from the ground up, trying to stray from the darkness and stick to the light. After all, weren't children afraid of the dark? Was he...? It felt so, in that prison of his own mind.

Even when he'd been pulled back to reality, his mind was barely kept together by a singular purpose. The seams of those pieces were visible, barely slotted against each other. The barest bit of pressure rattled him to the core and awoke the monster that hadn't fully been beaten down.

But there was a single thing, one thread that wound itself around the puzzle of his mind and kept it tightly bound. The pieces didn't slip too much, so long as that string held them securely, and it was a thin thing, something which he wasn't sure of yet. Thin, but powerful. Carbon-fiber filaments twisted together tightly.

Brotherhood. Family. Mokuba.

Oh yes. Mokuba.

His brother. His brother who he had been searching for and when he finally found him, the pieces of his mind began to come undone, shaken by the efforts of a man who only wanted to take everything that he could from Seto Kaiba.

Here too, they start to slip out of alignment, and Kaiba feels dizzy at Yuugi's words.

His name.

Tell me. Tell me his name. What is your friend's name?

Why is his pulse throbbing at his temples like a barely suppressed oil line, fit to burst and drown him in ichor until he can't breathe? Why is his stomach twisting itself into such knots that he can barely bite back the bile creeping up his throat?

All he wants...more than anything, is for Yuugi to say someone else's name. Not the one on his mind, building into a cacophony raging in his head so loudly that even he douts that he could hear Yuugi's answer.

Yuugi bit his lip. He could see the wheels turn in those eyes, but he could never fathom the depths.

How much had he suffered?

How much was this place, and how much was from a time long before?

There was something in his eyes, though. A recognition. A haze building like dust on scattered puzzle pieces.

...

No. It couldn't be.

The person he was looking for was actually...

"Hey..." Yuugi whispered instead. "We can talk about this, but we both need to calm down a bit. I don't know about you, but my heart is ready to burst out of my chest."

No.

Kaiba rises to his full height, but his stance looks anything but steady. He makes his way towards Yuugi, reaches a hand out to fist the front of his shirt and pull him close.

When I first got here, Helios played a voice that she should not have had any knowledge of. She played my brother's voice to taunt me.

So I won't wait. I will not be calm!

Tell me the name!

Yuugi did not react, even when he was grabbed. He just stared, firm and unyielding, into Seto's eyes.

...Before they softened with sympathy.

"Do you remember what Mokuba was saying? Or what he sounded like?" Yuugi asked. "He was only here a few days at most, and we were together the entire time; I can tell you if that recording was real or not."

Mokuba.

Mokuba.

Seto drops Yuugi once he has what he wants, or what he doesn't want, really. The truth. The reality of the situation. He drops to a knee, his eyes wide and frantic, his lips don't move to answer Yuugi's question for so long that perhaps the other teen might come to the conclusion that he hadn't heard it at all.

He had.

But all he can think about is whether Mokuba could also do the same thing Yuugi could now, whether he could slice himself open and stitch back up, and whether he was put under the knife to fix the degenerates who lived and died here.

He finally mouths words, and they don't answer the question, they only convey the pain of failure.

He was here. He was here and I didn't help him. I.

I.

I can't help...my brother. My little brother. My brother. My brother, my brother, my brother...

It's probably for the best that this Yuugi didn't know him. What shame he would feel, knowing that Yuugi was right to pity him, and probably did.

He was pitiful. He was The Loser they dubbed him as after all.

Shit...Shit!

Shit, he was spiralling. Yuugi had to do something, something...!

"Kaiba, please. Listen to me." Would this work...? "Mokuba's safe. He was the one I got out. He's not here. I didn't let the scientists touch him."

He didn't know if he had the regenerative powers, but he knew.

He knew that he was not cut into. Nobody went through their "physical" without losing themselves.

"He asked me... he asked me to find you."

You got him out...and to where?

Kaiba's eyes flick up to Yuugi, shifting with a lack of focus, looking at him, but not seeing him.

He's out there, alone, because I failed him. They could find him, if they expended the effort to look. And I can't let them do that!

So then why aren't his legs moving anymore? Why is he stuck like this, knelt and shaking, being useless here?

If he got out, then I'll get out, and then--

And then he'll find what's missing inside, he'll be able to figure out who Seto Kaiba should be! Whole...he wants to be whole, but if chasing the light doesn't suit him, then perhaps the darkness really was the only way to claw his way to the top.

Maybe...just a bit of the monster, until he can get out of here.

But not towards Yuugi. He can't. He owes Yuugi a twofold debt that he's ill-equipped to repay.

You have to help me. Now. I can't wait!

I wish I knew what was out there. I could smell trees and water when I got close to the rubble, but...

He took the hit meant for Mokuba. He got him out. He was safe somewhere.

He's safe. He's tough and determined; he'll be okay.

Better out there than in here.

But--

Was Kaiba serious?! He was just ready to run for it, with no preparation, no nothing?! Didn't he realize that this place banked on people feeling this intensely?! On reacting with emotion?!

These cells are reinforced with no easy way to break out. We'd have to make a break for it when we're being let out.

But we just got put in a cell together; we're gonna be watched closely! We can't just do this now, we'll get caught!

Edited 2025-03-17 12:17 (UTC)

No. NO! Why would they put us in cells that we aren't able to leave?

The cell doors always opened, to let the Light Bringers out to feed themselves, to relieve themselves...why was this different?! Why had the rules changed?!

You're wrong, Yuugi. That can't be.

A hiss of annoyance slips out, then Kaiba fights harder to get to his feet, forcing his legs to cooperate and very nearly losing his footing as he does so. He can't be trapped. He wouldn't accept it! And so he moves to the door.

Yuugi did not get up to stop him; it was easier to let him see than to continue a song and dance of denial and insistence before the truth was revealed.

Still, his body was taut, ready to run to him if anything was wrong--

Wait.

Wait, what if they--

Shit.

"Kaiba, wait! Don't touch the bars!"

Would he listen to the worry in his roommate's voice, though...?

Kaiba does not listen. He has no reason to listen, not when he knows his brother's out there, in need of help, and Seto is dutybound to help him!

So he does reach out to take hold of the bars, to shake them, tear at them, test them for weaknesses, anything at all!

...His hands don't burn. The bars aren't the object of punishment. Instead, there's a searing agony that spreads from his neck, down his spine. It seizes him like a vice, tightens his muscles so painfully he swears that he might never be free of the constrictive force.

Since the current is coming from within, rather than the bars, Kaiba is quick to collapse backwards, dazed and letting out hissing groans of pain that have no vocal inflection.

Maybe it would have behooved him to listen after all.

"Kaiba!!"

Yuugi ran before he thought any better of it. His feet slammed against the floor as he reached out, running--

"Nnngh?!"

Pain.

Pain like fire seared his nerves and heated his blood. It was from inside, somewhere on the base of his neck, moving down, down--

Even Yuugi flinched, but he didn't stop from reaching out to take Kaiba by the shoulders.

To pull him away.

To comfort?

The only reason Yuugi gets away with it is that Kaiba's stunned from the shock that had run through his body, eyes half-closed as he struggles to come back to his senses. The hands tugging him back are the least of his worries.

All the same, in his daze, he finds his muscles slowly beginning to unwind under Yuugi's touch. He wouldn't call it comfort, of course. Nothing about this place is comforting.

Don't he mouths, but it's so hard to make out, it'd be a miracle if Yuugi did. His cellmate's body twitches as the pain slowly ebbs, leaving his extremities twitching erratically. Then...another word, one that looks painful to form:

Mokuba...

Gods.

This poor man...

Made to suffer like this, with a brother that loved him out there, away from here, waiting.

Fuck.

What was that feeling?

The pain on the base of his neck, it was almost like...

It couldn't be.

Right?

He'd been shocked before, but not. Not there.

"I'll get you to the bed. You shouldn't be moving around too much like this. It'll take a bit to stop bein' jumpy."

I can do it.

He mouths the words stubbornly, but his body's too shaky to really be of use, and so...if Yuugi does assist him, he won't make a massive fuss. It's written on his face how much he hates it every step of the way, but when they do make it to the bed and he can finally sling himself across the pitiful, uncomfortable thing...all he does is look up at the ceiling, with eyes full of spite and anger.

I won't stand by any longer. They can't stop me.

They're trying their hardest to, though. After all, I'm your roommate.

The one who almost got out. The one they couldn't break.

The one who helped someone escape.

Gods, he must have done something to really piss them off, huh? What did Kaiba do to make them so angry with him?

He seemed like a really proud person, so...

Yuugi looked him over, before sitting on the floor, moving his face close, back facing the door.

"Sorry..." he mumbled.

I don't think they can understand us if I sit over you like this. Cameras're in the ceiling, not the floor.

I'm not afraid of them.

Kaiba says it, before painstakingly rolling onto his side. His neck aches, and his limbs are still tremoring from the shock that had worked its way down his spine. He isn't scared of them. He isn't scared of anyone here, not any of the Enforcers, not the ones who threatened over the network...and certainly not the scientists.

But...he rolls onto his side for a different reason.

To plan.

They can't be so open with their plotting, lest they be found out. That's the only reason he tolerates Yuugi's proximity like this. He opens his mouth, hoping to cajole Yuugi into making a scheme with him, the faster the better...but instead of anything constructive...the phrase that forms is entirely different.

Tell me about him.

For a moment, Yuugi blinked.

He

He hadn't expected those words to form on Kaiba's lips; he seemed like a single-minded sort, a go-getter that was focused on his goal...

But a go-getter could be a devoted brother, too.

Yuugi smiled.

Feisty. And... protective in his own way. Mokuba let one of the newer guys have it when he tried shoving me.

The new ones always did. The bigger guys hit Yuugi and used him as a punching bag to let out their frustration, because they couldn't do anything else.

Mokuba, though...

He yelled 'how dare you try to touch him? That's Yuugi Mutou!' I had to stop him from getting beat up! He told me that the only one allowed to beat me in anything was you.

Kaiba's eyes half-lid as he makes out the shape of Yuugi's words, and he's...not sure how he feels about it. He knows that Mokuba is like that, but it feels like the memories are scattered, viewed through a blurred lens he hasn't quite managed to wipe clean.

It makes him happy, and proud, to know that his brother did not sit idly by and allow himself to be bullied. More still, his brother didn't allow Yuugi to be bullied either, for the kind of reason that Kaiba could feel flattered by.

But...

...it also hurts, deep down, because when had the tables turned? When had Mokuba needed to take care of others, rather than be taken care of?

(when you put him in a box and scared him very nearly to death

when you let him play poison roulette with your enemy

when you bet against him because you had no faith)

Something completely wrong and out of place happens then. Seto Kaiba sucks in a breath that aches, and then...something warm and unbidden tracks down his face. A small, single, pitiful badge of utter weakness.

Condensed guilt.

Loneliness of his own making, and really, what right did he have to shed it?

But he can't take it back.

Why had it happened in the first place? He hadn't shed a tear for so many years he had thought himself incapable. Even when pain overcame him, and it was unbearable, and he was seconds from death...he never did.

He can't look Yuugi in the eye. He won't. He doesn't mouth a single word, nor will he see any that his rival tries to form. His pride won't allow it.

A...

Tear.

Why was he crying? What did...? What did Yuugi do? Did he do something wrong? Did he hurt him, somehow--

Or maybe he just really missed his brother.

He was averting his eyes; he clearly wasn't used to crying.

This person...

He wished he knew more about him. He wished he knew more and could do more and could--

He didn't want him to suffer any more than he already had.

He'd clearly suffered enough.

Yuugi said nothing; simply let him have his silence.

For this, too, was its own kind of protection.

It takes what feels like an eternity, before Kaiba decides to speak--or at least communicate.

Yuugi.

What would you do?

He can't trust himself yet. He's been compromised, clearly, and it's better to have a more objective mind on the case than his own. He hates to think it, to allow Yuugi to dictate the rules of their engagement here. But he does it anyway.

Wait for them to let their guard down. In any game... you have to analyze your opponent and look for weaknesses to throw them off.

Thinking of it like a game... made it easier.

Simpler.

They're on high alert, but they'll eventually get lazy. They always do. Once they get bored they'll focus on other experiments.

That gives us time to analyze. To learn.

To figure out an escape plan.

You're as annoyingly naive as I remember.

It isn't really a compliment. Kaiba does want to save his brother, but the very idea that they could do so just by being vigilant, when the room clearly has no weaknesses and there's something embedded in their bodies to discourage escape attempts?

Unless their captors somehow trip and drop the keys through the bars...there's not much chance of them getting out of here in a timely manner.

You really think they'll get bored, when they've given us personal room and board in a high-security area?

No.

They're up to something.

Annoyingly naive, huh...?

He shouldn't have felt comforted by that, but something curled into itself, with a familiar...something.

Maybe that was it, though. Maybe it was because despite how much about him changed, he was still the same Yuugi. He couldn't have changed that much if he remembered that about him, right...?

The question is what...

He smiled.

But no matter what they throw at us, we'll make it through. I know we will.

He'd make sure of it.

Of course I know that I will.

Kaiba's weak now, he knows this. He's lost too many times, but instead of giving up, it only makes him less inclined to stay...well, of sound mind. He's been slipping ever since he'd come back from the elevator incident, and had already shown his hand when he'd slit his own throat.

If you're determined to defeat them, then I guess we're on the same side.

He doesn't put much stock in teamwork...but Yuugi is a better teammate than most.

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