kittensinboxes | Hang My Head, Drown My Fear [Lab of Nature AU, Suffering Is Magic]

Hang My Head, Drown My Fear [Lab of Nature AU, Suffering Is Magic]

Kaiba remembers pain. He remembers...drowning.

And he remembers smiling as he maliciously made it all worse and watched the life spill from his throat, spewing out with arterial force before him and creating a mess of wasted life all around him.

Then, he remembers--more pain? How could there be more pain after death? He knows he's screaming, but nothing comes out. He struggles against his bonds, but he's too weak, too weak, and even opening his eyes shows little besides the searing white lights of an operating room, the flash of a face that resembles an ape...and then, nothing. He feels something cover his mouth, inhales reflexively...then passes out. It's a release, freeing him from the delirium of the restoration and the pain of the experimentation that occurs in between.

He won't remember it. Perhaps that's a mercy.

---

When Kaiba finally does wake, it's in a new room, with aching limbs, a soured stomach, and a throat that feels poorly patched up.

He's too weak to sit up, but his tired eyes scan his surroundings, seeking out any familiarity at all. He has to do it slowly, so that the tracking of his own eyes doesn't nauseate him more than he already is.

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Yes. You may as well. Come on.

And as he says that, he turns to walk to the nearest bed, taking a seat and glancing at Yuugi expectantly. For a moment, he almost feels...normal. Like a regular person agreeing to a game with a schoolmate who he definitely hadn't tried to murder.

And Yuugi felt normal, too.

Like a normal kid who hadn't been filleted alive more times than he could count, or who hadn't killed his father figure in a mercy killing.

Or been eaten.

"Okay, um...All right."

Come on, stop sounding so giddy! Even as Yuugi sat down next to Kaiba, he couldn't keep the light out of his eyes or the smile off his face.

"I think my Grampa has the best taste in games. I hate leeks. I sent dirty messages to a handsome man over the public network."

...The third one.

It must be the third one, right? Kaiba can think of no reason as to why Yuugi would send dirty messages to a man on the network, much less consider them handsome? Then again...maybe Kaiba was the one who needed to learn more about Yuugi, if that ended up being the wrong guess.

...Seriously though?

Yuugi chuckled.

"Nope. That's not the lie."

Of course he'd think that was the lie; he'd already called him naive, right? Was the version of him that he knew...had he talked to boys before? Or girls? Did he peek at the muscles of attractive men in the locker room like Yuugi did? Did he think about pretty athletic girls in skintight spandex like Yuugi did?

What was the version he knew...like?

That was an interesting thing to think about.

"It was the first one. I love my grampa, but he's a bit old fashioned, you know? He doesn't get the newer stuff. I saved up all my money and worked in the shop to get a PC-98 and when he found out that was what I was saving up for, he got so frustrated! But when a new game comes out, I just gotta get my hands on it and play!"

It...wasn't the third one. Kaiba hides well how taken aback he is by that, but he is taken aback, at least at first. Then he realizes...why be surprised? He doesn't study his peers at school like that. Most days, he has his nose in a book to shut himself off from anyone. The only time he'd been sociable with anyone was when it suited his purposes.

Each smile on his face was a falsity created out of necessity.

He didn't need to go to school. He didn't need to do any of that.

Of course. The old man's shop is out of date, he concedes. Sugoroku's shop was as old-fashioned as he was, but to think that Yuugi would have done something like that, go behind his back for something so modern? Well...it isn't that Kaiba disagrees. It's just odd, thinking of Yuugi doing anything but going along with the status quo in his life.

But they're playing a game, aren't they? He hasn't forgotten.

I can read and speak three languages. I contributed to military training. I have gone to school on no sleep.

"It is," Yuugi agreed. "I love him, but he really doesn't understand modern games at all. If I made a game, it'd probably be something that blended the old and the new. You know, like a board game that you could play like a hologram or something like that."

Shit, he hadn't meant to bring that up. That quiet dream, the one that he kept deep in his chest but never did anything with but smile at when things got bad.

"Though...I'm pretty sure that's not gonna happen anytime soon. Someday, though."

Those statements, though...Yuugi squinted for a moment...before answering.

"The second one."

You know, you should probably should explain your reasoning for that one...

"Well, you said that you did something to me, and you come off as a model student who would study all night and not get much rest. But you're the same age as me, right? I don't know how you would have been able to contribute to military training unless you were some kind of super spy or super genius or something...You know, like something out of a movie."

Incorrect. It was the first one. I can read and speak at least five languages. Not three.

Kaiba smirks wryly. Perhaps it wasn't the most straightforward way to do things, but it had tripped Yuugi up, hadn't it? And of course, he'll explain. He does so slowly, to convey his lip movements as clearly as possible.

Included in my list of specialties is proficiency in the field of virtual reality and holograms. The former was of particular use to...a certain company which elected to use it for military purposes--to train soldiers through virtual reality simulations.

As for being a model student, I suppose you could say that.

Model student, but not at school. There was no need for him to pay half as much attention in class as he did, not when he was already schooled to the university level before he ever showed up at Domino High.

Rather than linger on his unorthodox education or his stolen intellectual property, he'd rather fall back to thinking about the intriguing mention of a board game that could be played as a hologram. He makes a note to ask Yuugi about it later, when they're not playing a game of a different sort already.

For a moment, Yuugi mouthed the words to himself: Five languages.

Five. Languages.

But then Kaiba kept talking. He can make virtual reality things. And holograms. He's skilled in tech. Like coding and working with engines and all those things that looked so intimidating to Yuugi. And he just. Did it!

No hesitation!

"That's amazing! You're so smart, Kaiba!"

His...

(Friend)

...Roomie was so cool.

Edited 2025-04-03 23:17 (UTC)

"Okay, okay. So it's my turn now, right? Uhm..."

Come on, he had to trip him up again! He had such an interesting set of truths, but Yuugi was...Yuugi. He wasn't very interesting at all.

All he really had were games. Compared to a literal supergenius?

And...

"I taught myself English and can speak it fluently. I'm banned from the Sendai Mahjong parlor downtown. I prefer taking small bites when I eat burgers."

Of course I'm smart. I didn't get where I am being stupid.

Obvious statement, but if Kaiba had been a fool, he'd never have gotten adopted, and he'd probably have lost his brother for good. After all, adopting a five year old with a sweet expression is much more tempting than adopting a ten year old with blue eyes sharp as a hawk's, right?

He wouldn't have adopted himself.

As for the game...that was a bit more of a challenge. The question here was more along the lines of whether Yuugi actually had the brains to teach himself English all on his own. It was an exceedingly complicated language for being one with such a simplified singular alphabet.

The question of whether Yuugi would actually eat a burger slowly is also a conundrum, but that's more because Kaiba didn't really take an active role in trying to research Yuugi's eating habits. It's not like they were friends.

Hmm.

The first one's the lie. You can't expect me to believe you taught yourself a whole language alone, can you?

...Can he?

Edited (wording) 2025-04-04 01:03 (UTC)

"I don't know, what do you think, Mr. Kaiba?" Yuugi responded in perfectly accented English. "Being able to play American video games and watch American shows is way past cool, you know!"

See, Yuugi was hip. He watched the coolest shows right out of America. By talking to a guy from the nearby American military base who recorded them on VHS and gave them to him, but you know. It was fun! It was a really good way to learn his English and get his hands on the American RP books and video games that people liked to pass around! Yeah, you had to go to specific shops to even know where to look, but that was part of the game! The thrill! The adventure of diving into that kind of subculture--

Oh, right. Aha. Probably should do more than just grin, yeah?

"I even got my hands on a copy of Mortal Kombat for the Mega Drive, and that was really hard to get!"

Holy shit he really did teach himself English. Kaiba is actually impressed! Enough that it shows on his face, whether he wants it to or not.

Hmm. So you learned English, just so you could do things like watch television and play games?

It looks judgmental. If it had sound, it'd sound judgmental. But not for the reason Yuugi would assume. While Kaiba would never be able to identify it, much less admit it, there was the barest shade of...envy. There wasn't a world in which Seto Kaiba would ever be able to do something as impressive as learn the English language through osmosis.

He was book smart, and not in a good way.

He almost wants to tell Yuugi his accent's muddled...but that would be disrespectful to the effort.

And it's actually not a bad accent at all.

I didn't ask for your whole life story, is what he settles on mouthing, before returning to the game.

Anyway.

I detest oden. My parents are rich and well-connected. I've fallen asleep in class at least once.

There. That ought to give Yuugi plenty to work with. As before, one of the answers is...tricky. Kaiba doesn't feel bad about it either. Though...he is starting to feel mildly lightheaded. Not enough to show. Enough to notice.

He's also probably tired. So it's likely related to that.

"What's wrong with that?" Yuugi pouted in Japanese. "I don't learn well if I'm not having fun with it."

Understatement of the century. His English grades were by far his strongest ones, and that was because he used them all the time for video games and TV. And then there was Dad, and E--

No. No, he wasn't going to think about them right now.

Sadness glittered in Yuugi's eyes for just a moment before whispering away.

"Hmmm...I think the third one is the lie. You don't seem like the sort of person who'd fall asleep in class; you'd never let yourself live it down."

Kaiba was a proud person, after all...

Well, you are partly correct.

For the first time since they'd begun the game, Kaiba uncrosses his arms, bracing his hands against the bed and leaning back slightly. It's half-stretch, half-relaxing of his posture. He's not yet entirely comfortable around Yuugi, but if they're going to be in this kind of proximity, he's not going to discomfort himself forever.

I was very displeased with myself the first time that I fell asleep in class. I would make no excuse for it, except that the teacher in that particular class didn't have the courage to approach me about it. Or, perhaps she didn't notice.

He gives Yuugi a cockeyed smirk that would probably be better off on Jounouchi's face than his own.

My parents are dead. Even when they were alive, however, I don't believe they were well-connected. Wealthy enough though.

Not that his memories were all that great, but of the two brothers, Seto was the one who would know. He doesn't feel too bothered about it, which was why he'd used it as a gambit for a game. What was the point being bothered? That would just be showing weakness.

Still, having seen the look on Yuugi's face prior to his guess, he has the distinct idea that perhaps it would bother Yuugi. He was sensitive...and he'd been thinking about something that bothered him.

Looks like we're at an impasse here. Shall we take a break?

"Your parents are..."

Oh, that...

Ah. Shit.

"I'm so sorry! I know it was a long time ago, but...losing your parents never gets easier, y'know?"

Take it from Yuugi on that one. Years with no father, and he still felt the void, gaping and clawing at him like a spore that never had its fill of flesh. Over and over and over, chewing, consuming, whispering in his ears--

"...I would know. I uh. Lost my dad. Twice."

As quickly as the vulnerability left his lips, though, he knew he had to pivot. Kaiba wasn't the kind of guy who dwelled on feelings long, it seemed. But...vulnerability for vulnerability, right? Truth for truth?

"And no, I'm okay! Don't worry about me," he said, "I'm okay. It's my turn next though, right?"

Twice? Then we have that in common as well, Kaiba mouths with an icy expression, but it's less directed at Yuugi, and more directed at the fact that he didn't much care for his adoptive father. You don't have to trip over yourself with sympathy. I'm better off without the second "father."

And Yuugi doesn't have to know whether he remembers his actual parents, does he now? At least not until Kaiba sees fit to use it as part of the game.

Go on then. Take your turn. I'm listening.

After saying that, he tilts his head back, letting his eyes slip shut. He's not so much lightheaded anymore as his vision is slipping in and out of focus. If he closes his eyes, that won't matter.

He's just tired. Nothing else.

...Did he step on a nerve? It seemed like it, with the way his frosty gaze pierced him like the tips of a thousand needles; he had to be careful.

(What did he mean by 'he was better off', though? Was his second father a bad person? Were they the reason behind the hollowness in those eyes? Were they the reason why Kaiba was so closed off, clutching his heart in an impenetrable cage?)

And then when his eyes closed and he tilted his head back.

Was he okay?

He knew better than to ask, but...

"Okay, then...

"If I was a girl, I would have been named 'Hanafuda'. I snuck into a concert in Junior High. I got my hands on a Blue Eyes White Dragon model kit."

Blue Eyes White Dragon...one of the rarest cards in Duel Monsters, and a beautiful card. That kit was sitting in the back of his closet at home, just waiting for him to put it together. It wasn't one of the sofubi kits he was used to, either, or the ones made of PVC where you had to soak the pieces before cutting them...

It was made of pure resin.

Kaiba thinks the matter over silently for a bit longer than he should have, perhaps. If anyone besides Kaiba could have gotten ahold of such a kit...it would probably be Yuugi. His grandfather would probably be able to cut a deal with a distributor, or he could lean on other connections.

That one's plausible.

So is the name, right? It'd just be a little more abstract, but still in the same vein of his actual name's meaning. His family would do that, wouldn't they? Not that Kaiba really understood, or knew Yuugi's family to assume.

His lips part, and if he could make a noise, it'd probably be a murmur of confusion.

...The...second one?

His lips move faintly. His eyes don't open.

Was he okay?

"The first one, actually..."

Was he okay? Was he...? Yuugi scooted closer, hovering his hand over Kaiba's head, but didn't dare touch.

"I would have been named...Karuta. Grampa wanted Hanafuda, but Mom thought Karuta was cuter. I guess it's a good thing I turned out to be a boy."

The poison must have been kicking in. What kind was it, though? So far, he just looked tired, but he had to be in pain, right? Gods. Gods, Kaiba, what were you thinking...

Damn it. You're annoying.

Kaiba lets out a huff through his nose, then pushes himself back into a proper sitting position. For a moment, he does in fact open his eyes, intending to glare at Yuugi, but the room lights make him squint them back closed again.

Too bright...they're way too bright.

If Yuugi's quick enough to catch it, then he might see that Kaiba's pupils were completely blown, before he forced them closed again.

At this rate...neither of us is going to win.

They're circling one another, and the longer it goes on, the more Kaiba is starting to feel worse. The cupcake sits heavy as a stone in his stomach, and it doesn't feel right there.

The game is no longer serving as enough of a distraction.

"You can't win against him. Who are you kidding?"

Suddenly, Kaiba's head snaps to the left, eyes open and glowering--

--at nothing.

...Is he going mad?

"Nothing new about that."

The voice...Kaiba doesn't know where it's coming from. But it's not Yuugi, and that's concerning enough.

No. No, he won't give into this.

The game. He has to play the game.

I miss my brother.

"You'll never see him again."

I run a company.

"Not anymore. Not since you lost."

You don't scare me.

"Poor Seto. Don't you remember the horrors? Don't you remember where they came from?"

Were they even...were they even still playing?

Kaiba turned his head and glared at.

Something.

And what he was saying...'neither of us are going to win'. Win what? Two truths and a lie wasn't exactly a game you could easily 'win', not unless you were counting points, but both of them kept getting things wrong about each other. There wasn't much of a way to win.

Was Kaiba seeing things?

Was he.

Was he okay?

"Kaiba." Yuugi spoke slowly...carefully. "Kaiba, are we still playing?"

This was a serious question, okay? Otherwise he was talking to someone else, and that meant that the cupcake was affecting him. If he was starting to see things and lose track of reality, then Yuugi had to act. Did he need to find a way to restrain him and keep him from hurting himself? Did he need to get something to prevent him from hurting Yuugi?

What could he do about this situation?

...

Why the hell did Kaiba think it was a good idea to eat that cupcake?!

When Yuugi asks that, Kaiba clicks his tongue in annoyance, one of the rare sounds he can still make.

Of course we're playing! I'm only listening to you!

"That's not very nice."

Guess already. One of us has to be right. I won't lose to you again, Yuugi.

Kaiba's eyes catch Yuugi's, nearly black as they are, and he involuntarily tries to swallow. Fuck, why is he so thirsty? Why do the lights hurt?

Why did you eat that fucking cupcake? Just another fool move by a perennial loser trying to keep control of his situation.

D̷͔̱͇̹̔̅Ị̶̺́͐̓̃͐D̸̺͎͖͖̐̚̚͝Ņ̸͑̌ͅ'̶̭̤́T̷̢̛͇̜̠͕ ̴͈͓̍Í̷͚̯͓̾̓̚ ̷̨̩̖͛̐͗̐T̷̮̞̲͋̍̈́̀͠E̴̛͎̬͑À̶̧͖̦͍͠Ć̶̤̄H̴̻̽̚ ̵̣̅Ÿ̴̛͈̣͕̜́̐͝Ọ̴͒͗U̸̼̪̘̣̮̔̉͑̕ ̷̮͊B̶͔͊E̶̡̳̺͗̓̃̌T̴̨͍̪̳͍́̌͂T̷͍̬͎͕͓́E̴̟̅̓͝Ŗ̷͚̟̩̩̔͊?̶̖̻̤̳̓̊̽

There's a displacement of air near his left ear, and Kaiba flinches as he hasn't flinched in years, like a dog expecting to be struck.

The blow never comes, however. He showed weakness for nothing...?!

'I'm only listening to you'.

Was he...?

He was. He had to be.

At the flinch, Yuugi's response came out suddenly, flooding out of his mouth:

"The third one. The lie is the third one."

'I'm not afraid of you'.

He's afraid. He's afraid of something. Someone. What was he seeing? What was he hearing?

Why did he flinch...?

You...

Kaiba's shoulders drop, his head falls forward. So Yuugi found the lie in the group. The lie...that no matter how much he tried to stifle, he couldn't completely shake.

Even if it wasn't this Yuugi, it was still Yuugi he was scared of.

Does it bother you? That I'm scared of you?

It sure does bother Kaiba. And the audial hallucination seems to revel in that very fact.

Pitiful coward! Dying is too good for you! Dying would be a release, barely a punishment!

Again, there's the whistle of a blow just within earshot, and again, Kaiba flinches. Why, why, why can't he stop flinching? It feels like he's eleven again, forced to study until his eyes were bloodshot and spilling pitiful, frustrated tears onto his schoolwork.

There's a cut of pain across his cheek, the smell of blood, the pain--the punishment for his weakness, and for not applying himself! Only he can feel it. There's no blood. No cut.

I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU!

He screams it to the ceiling, unable to identify where the belligerent voice is, but wanting to set a boundary between them.

The voice only sounds closer, as if it's crawling in his ears.

Yes you are. You should be.

Did it bother him...?

Yes. I don't want anyone to be scared of me! I just want to go home!

Yuugi smiled, shaking his head.

"You can't help it. This place...it does things to people."

Like make them hallucinate. Like make them scream with a soundless voice at a figure Yuugi couldn't see, at a presence he couldn't sense or touch.

Make them feel so out of control that they think they need to eat poison in order to be ahead of the game. What happened to him when he was in the cells, anyway...?

"Who is it...?" He asked after a moment.

Calm.

Stay calm. Stay steady. People reacted better when you were calm, right...?

"The...person you're talking to. Who is it?"

The hallucination. Yuugi was literally asking this man about his hallucination.

(If you'd eaten it before he could, then this wouldn't have happened. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault--)

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